I’m so full of steak

Life has been pretty busy lately since my friend gave me her bad news last week. She loved the flowers.

Things are going well over here. I am in week 5 of my Kayla workouts and I am seeing changes, which is great. When I did this routine last  year, I got to the end of week 7 before going to Bonnaroo and then Hawaii, which is around the time I fell off. That means I have 3 weeks to get myself to where I was last time we hit week 7, or even better.

So, to help things along, I am working out 5 days a week. I do Kayla 3x a week and cardio at least twice a week when not doing Kayla. I would like to workout 6x a week, but 5 is my goal for now. I am also, this week, eating mainly only protein. It’s a quick way to drop some bloating and get myself away from carbs. I did however eat too much last night… my steak for dinner was way too big and I’m like still full. I’m definitely not going to lose weight if I gorge myself on red meat.. but it was delicious.

Lastly, I am not drinking alcohol until Brendan’s birthday. That would be a 12 day hiatus, which will be the longest I’ve gone in awhile. I want to see how I physically change w/o booze. My face will thin further and I won’t be bloated. I think I’ll get to bed early and wake up earlier (I’m still waiting on that), and I’ll save money. But all of that is secondary to how it’ll help my progress.

Truly I wanted to be alcohol free for all of April, but I drank on Easter and last Friday because Mark came home and we went out. My friend was like, “Ché! What about BK’s birthday???” And she’s right – I want to go out that night. So we’ll stick to 12 days, break for Brendan, and then jump back on.

My plan is to also weigh myself on Brendan’s birthday and see where I’m at…. I have a goal in  mind and I also am horrified of weighing myself, so all of that fear and terror combined will hopefully keep me on track.

Also, I am not smoking. I really think I’m going to die of lung cancer. I smoked for soo long. I literally can not smoke anymore because I feel like I am choosing to die and I really don’t want to die! I am going to get a physical sometime this year and hopefully they will tell me if I’m dying or not.

So Britt and I are extending our lease through the end of June. We didn’t know we could do that, and as Mark put it, it’s a blessing.

1) Brittany and Eric want to move into a one-bedroom in our complex, but nothing is available until July 1st. With a May 31st move-out date, the two weren’t sure what to do. Britt desperately didn’t want to rent a storage unit, transport everything out of the apt, move into my Mom’s house and then move everything back a month later. What a hassle that would be.

2) Mark is working, and will be working until late May. His plan was to leave Hawaii the week we were moving, but that meant he would be running around like a crazy person trying to pack, help me pack and move everything in. We still need to get a couch and other furniture, and we haven’t even had an opportunity to walk through anywhere. Plus I’ve been searching for a while and haven’t found anything I love.

By moving our date back a month, Mark will be home and able to look at apartments with me, pick out furniture and pack everything up without also needing to run back and forth to work for weeks at a time. It’s just been too much to juggle. Britt can stay in the apartment for another month and then move everything two buildings over, which is a lot easier. It’s the perfect solution.

So I’ve stopped looking at apartments for now, which I’m grateful for! I’ll start again in May. Also, this means by the time we have our lease signed in June, I’ll know if I’m getting a raise and a bonus, so I’ll be able to better budget and plan for everything we need to buy.

We have a Bwood family reunion Memorial Day weekend in Maryland. Mark’s coming!! Hopefully, anyway. I’m excited. He really loves me and I love him. I am seriously on cloud 9 with him lately. I just don’t know how we got so lucky. Truly blessed by this person.

Also, his resume is made and the job search is on. I am so glad to hear he is happy to leave and ready to move on. This has been a long time coming. I had a mini melt down on Easter, and I told him everything I was feeling. He responded so amazingly well. Now, we are creating a plan and moving forward and I think there is a lot of good coming our way.

I have plans this weekend but I have already decided to cancel all of them.

Happy Wednesday



This weekend I spent time with my mom and it was really nice. I see her more like a friend these days, and I like her as a friend. My mom’s a good friend.

I watched Bridget Jones’ Diary and Fox Catcher. I went to Asbury for dinner and drinks with some of B’s friends, and they were really nice. And, I spent time with my bog-jumping beau.

Today is my half birthday. Six months from now, it will be Thursday. I will probably have taken the day off from work. I will be turning 29. It will be my last year in my twenties. I will probably get a massage and feel really weird about being 29. I don’t envy me then.

But that’s not today. Today I am 28 and 1/2. And at 28 and 1/2, things are good.

  • Mark came home for one day, and it was great. We reconnected and I feel rejuvenated. And optimistic. And excited. And happy.

We talked about his job, and moving in together, living as DINKs for a while but not for too long. Going on vacation, getting a new car, having kids, just things. COUPLE THINGS that people who love each other talk about. It was great. We went to St. Stephen’s of course, had dinner, a few drinks- just lots of easy going fun. Anyway, yes I love my boyfriend of nearly 4 years very much, even though the stress of distance gets to me and I become fickle and talk about running off. This problem is not permanent, but we are. It’s going to be crazy in the summer when he’s home a lot– and we’re living together — I’m looking forward to it!

  • I am doing better and better at work, learning new things, making fewer mistakes, getting busier and busier.
  • My workouts are going – I am really enjoying the office gym and doing my Kayla workouts at home. We are on track for June and all the bikinis I can get my hands on.
  • It’s getting warmer- 44 degrees feels like heaven. I feel happier simply because of the weather.
  • My room is clean and my laundry is done
  • People complimented me on my desk today, saying it looks cute and “like she’s at home”. That’s what I was going for.
  • Robert Durst was arrested. Always good.
  • And that’s it. But that’s absolutely enough for me to announce this 1/2 birthday as a successful one.

Tomorrow’s Wednesday. I have zero plans for this weekend. I should keep it that way because I am really trying to spend $0 these next two weeks, as usual.

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold pint– and another one!


Updates from recent history:

  • I used my Vegetti for last week’s lunches and this week’s. Here’s a tip: You need at least two zucchinis for 4 small servings. I think it’s better to give yourself like a whole zucchini per meal per person. I used two zuchinis this week for 4 lunches and next week I’d probably add a third. The “zoodles” as the Paleoholics call em’ are delicious though. I sauteed them with a bit of cooking spray, garlic and onion. Some red sauce, chicken sausage and ricotta leaves each lunch at 281 cals (12g carbs, 10g fat, 35g protein, 7g sugar).
  • I went my office gym today. It’s pretty awesome, and not crowded! Plenty of cardio machines, free weights and weight lifting machines, and a private room you can use to do DVD workout sessions with a large projector screen. And hardly anyone was in there… I think I could use the projection room to do my Kayla Itsine’s workout when we start that back up. Also, there are showers and towels and shampoo, conditioner and lotion so I’m all set to workout during lunch without smelling the place up for the rest of the day.
  • There really is something nice about working out mid-day though. It’s nice to get your heart rate up and to separate from the office for a bit, especially on such a nice day as this. I think this will be as good for my mental clarity as it will my body.
  • I like Big Sean, which really shouldn’t surprise you. I love this song and I claim it as my own, because I too am “bleessseedd”.

Cubicle Designs, and Complacency

I am feeling better! That’s a true exclamation- thank God.

So I finally got around to decorating this cubicle a little bit. The picture does no justice because the depth is completely off- but here it is:

cubicle design

The lighting is much better when I have the overhead lights on, and it doesn’t look as strangely spaced in real life- it looks really cute. The lamp actually gives off a soft glow, so it feels warm and homey. My computer is 90 degrees to the left from the blue picture, so when I turn my head to the right it’s like a reminder of everything and everyone that is important. It makes work feel like a solace.

The space with the big signs over top is actually directly behind me when I’m on my computer, and below are drawers where I keep my snacks, workout clothes, etc. So I turn to that spot a lot to grab things, and I like that I have some motivation and beach themes staring back at me. The little sign under the large ones says “You and me at the sea” and has sea turtles on it, with shells in a vase and blue vase beside it. Blue is my favorite.

Framed I have pictures from some very special memories:

  • Britt and me at the redwods
  • Kari and me at a Mets game
  • Eric, Britt and me at CJs bar after I came back from Hawaii
  • Eric and Mark mid-conversation at Paul’s, right before Eric moved to California
  • A picture of the ocean in Belmar, with Britt and my’s (I’s, me’s?) shadows
  • A picture of Mark and I at the Hoover Dam
  • A pic of Mark in Las Vegas
  • A picture of Maureen, Britt and K and I in front of the tree in Rockefeller Center

Okay, you’re saying, it doesn’t look that good. But it looks good in person and it makes me smile when I get to my cube- which is a big difference these days. Next I would like to get some frames for the pictures hanging on the walls, and a tapestry to hang on the wall above my tissues to break up the cream colors. But anyway…

I had a 4lb brisket in the crock pot all night and when I woke up this morning, it only tasted okay. I had included 2 cups of a sauce I made but when I opened that sucker, there was way more than 2 cups of water. I feel like the thing got boiled to death. It is tender as heck though, so I did a few flavor saving things this morning and I’m praying that it’ll be delicious by the time I get home… for Brittany’s sake. We get 8 servings out of this thing and we are going to eat it

I am working on Mark’s resume this week, thank goodness. He has finally gotten to that point where he’s finished working this type of job. It’s like, it’s nice that he makes the money he does, but he is never around to actually spend it or enjoy any part of his life- so toss it. Anyway, glad he’s seeing my way now. (How shitty does that sound? He’s not seeing it “my way”, he’s simply put things into a different perspective). One of my friends got laid off this week, and another friend started a new job yesterday. It’s so fluid- things come and go, beginnings and endings- you’re only in control of so much, but you want to act in the areas you do have a say in.

A friend asked me this weekend, is complacency always a bad thing? I think yes it is, because it means you’re not making changes you need or want to make simply because you’re comfortable- and maybe even lazy. The opposite of being complacent, I think, is being content. You don’t need to make changes because you’re happy where you are. When you’re complacent, you’re not actually happy. Fuck complacency. It is such a subtle killer.

It’s snowing outside, and I’m at work. The weatherman said tonight’s commute is going to be bad and “maybe even impossible.” What does that even mean? Sleeping in my car?

This coming weekend I have dinner for KV’s birthday on Friday… and so far I think that’s it. I spent a lot this week so I should keep it low key for the rest of the weekend, if I can, and I also am going to maintain my diet this weekend because there’s no such thing a “losing weight” and “3 cheat days”, so keeping things light is a good idea. But it’s only Tuesday, so who knows.

Au revoir!

Daily Meditation

Last night, after work, I had to head into town to exchange some movie tickets, so I also grabbed dinner with my mom. We went to Ruby’s and shared the chips and queso dip. I had two margaritas. I almost exploded I was so full.

I was home by 8:30 and felt like I’d been hit by a truck. I was achy, exhausted and my head felt like it was in a different world than the rest of me. I was in bed by 8:45.

This morning, after 10 hours of sleep, I woke up feeling less like I was hit by a truck, and more like I was hit by a sedan. I took ibuprofen, an immune booster pill, and drank Emergen-C after my shower. I drank an Airborne packet on my way to work.

My stomach has been upset all week, and I couldn’t understand why. I haven’t been eating a lot of dairy and I haven’t been drinking, so it made no sense why my stomach was so angry with me. Now I know why. I’m dying.

Luckily the weekend is around the corner, so I can continue my current trend of lazing – maybe it’ll heal me.

  • Friday
    • Maybe Yoga at 7 if I feel like it
    • Work
    • Mani/Pedi with Brittany (I do this every pay day, and it’s pay day!)
    • Nothing. Sleep and movies. Health, healing, and sleep.
  • Saturday
    • Maybe Yoga at 9 if I feel like it
    • Microdermabrasion facial
      • This is very exciting- I bought it on Groupon. I have little scars and big pores and other imperfections that we all have and I want to see if this reduces any of that. I hope so! This is Hollywood’s “newest face lift”, and I am a socialite.
    • Bed Bath & Beyond to get a Veggetti and to buy decorations for my cubicle.
      • I want to decorate my cube so that it’s a sanctuary- if your work space is soothing and familiar, you don’t mind being at it. Let’s keep life soothing.
    • Movies and dinner with Maureen (we had to cancel last week because my car isn’t made to drive on pre-plowed roads).
  • Sunday
    • Probably not yoga
    • Grocery shopping
    • Meal preps
      • This week I’m prepping for both me and Brittany.
      • I think I am going to make a chicken and veggie alfredo “casserole” with zucchini noodles for lunches, and a crock pot beef brisket with carrots and onions for dinner.
    • Avoid the parade

For the last three years I have gone to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, and for the last three years something stupid or bad has happened. I am not a good drunk- I’ve accepted this and admitted this to my loved ones. I am 100% aware of how bad I can get so. this year, I am thinking of avoiding it all together. I’m okay with grabbing drinks with friends and having some wine occasionally with Britt, but an entire day dedicated to drinking is like the worst possible thing for me.

I have two options: Avoid it at all costs and make other plans, like get lunch at my dad’s, or if everyone is going I can go but with limits. Maybe, two beers per bar, and stop by the 3rd bar. I mean 6 beers all day- that would work. I also think I am going to get full really easily, so that’ll help limit me as well. Also I’d love to see a lot of my friends who go every year, and I’d love to see them sober while they’re wasted. That’s always eye-opening.

It is the last St. Patrick’s Day Parade that I can attend while living here (most likely, unless I stay…) so not going would suck a little bit. It also really depends on whether I feel more sick or less sick by then. And how cold it is outside.

My dress pants are getting loose.

I am so tired.

Let this day pass swiftly. Let my stomach grow steel. Let my pants continue to sag. And let my car fly home quickly. This is our daily meditation. Om.

Back to life, back to reality

I drank too much this week. I still lost weight, but I didn’t intend to drink so often. Such is life,”Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.”

This week, I intend to stay dry. I intend to continue eating what I have planned to eat. Saturday is dinner and a move with Maureen, so I’ll be nice and fat then. But not until!

This week’s meals are:
Breakfast: turkey sausage, as usual

Lunch: Sun-dried tomatoes and feta stuffed pork loin, with green beans

Snacks: Turkey, Miso soup, and right now a few Cheetos

Dinner: Grass-fed, lean ground beef stuffed bell peppers.*, with broccoli

*Stuffed with garlic, onion, bell pepper, tomato sauce and ground beef

All together, my prepared food equals to just about 1,000 calories, which gives me a little extra wiggle-room when I’m craving somethingggggggg– like these Cheetos. If I don’t drink, this could be an excellent week.

I am exhausted. We stayed up to watch The Oscars last night but they ran way too late. I should have gone to bed, but I was having too much fun texting with KB and I really wanted to see the Best Actor award. I wanted the kid from Theory of Everything to win so badly, and he did! So my exhaustion is worth it.

This weekend was cool – I didn’t have any laundry to do and I tidied the apartment, and watched movies. This is an ongoing theme lately. I am loving being home alone and guiltlessly catching up on all the movies I’ve been meaning to see. Not needing to wake up early, and knowing I have no obligations, is really a favorite feeling of mine.

I went out with KB and BK on Friday. I had plans for lunch with Rick on Saturday, but he cancelled. Then I had plans with Maureen Saturday night, but after driving for an hour, I cancelled. The snow made driving my car impossible. So it’s not as if I am planning to stay home and watch movies- though that would be okay- but it’s more due to the horribly frozen tundra staring at me from my bedroom window.

Yesterday I slipped on ice and fell in the parking lot. It’s not worth the risk! Back to bed!

I wish I was back in bed now.