A pound of goat cheese and a shooting star

I just ate, a pound of goat cheese.

Last Thursday, lunch was bought for us and after much mental anguish, I ordered a panini. And I was full and uncomfortable for the rest of the day. So, this week, I ordered a chicken salad with goat cheese, walnuts, red pepper and some other shit.

Then I went to the gym and worked out. And then I ate the entire salad. ALL the goat cheese, all the walnuts, even some pieces of bread on the side. I should have ordered the panini, my lord.

I am currently comfortable in my workpants in a way I haven’t been in sometime. But, if I over eat, they become really uncomfortable. It’s my extremely literal version of Lap-Band surgery: Eat too much and the band around my lap cuts off circulation to my lower body. Ordering a salad was my attempt to feel comfortable for the rest of the day, and I ½ failed. Maybe eating a quarter pound of goat cheese would’ve done the trick.

I’ll probably go back to the gym at the end of the day now.


Yesterday, Brittany and I went for a walk on the boardwalk. I haven’t been to the beach in longer than I can remember. It was freezing, but nice to be there. And, while on the boardwalk, I saw my first shooting star. It holds no significance other than I’ve never seen one, and I finally caught a glimpse of a trailing ball of fire directly over the ocean.

A group of older people were near us and they yelled, “Whoa – did you see that?” so I know it was real. It’s good to see something for the first time and immediately have strangers confirm it for you.

Lake Como looked beautiful. Britt remarked that it looked like it was glowing. And the crowd of hunched over homes surrounding it, and the glow of all the street lights and home lights, really made it look beautiful, messy, and as free of any flaws or defects. I love Lake Como. I’ve ran it countless times and always enjoy my time beside those mean geese and that crystal water. I remember watching them pump the water back into the lake, and restore it’s sands and rebuild the broken houses that had crumpled around it from underneath Sandy’s winds. And now, it’s back. Different, but still beautiful. I love my town.


Today is Thursday. I love Thursday. Love it, because that means it is almost Friday. The weeks are flying by. It’s already mid-to-late March. Can you believe it?


My plans for the weekend: I made dinner plans with some girlfriends on Sunday. I am keeping Friday and Saturday open. We’ll see what comes up. I want to reach out to KB but I also don’t want to go up there, so I’m being selfish in my laziness, though I need to see her, and I love her, and I want to plan Vegas out, and she’s my best friend. Ah damn- I’ll text her. Maybe her and BK are hanging in Marlboro this weekend and I can shoot over. That’s what I’ll do.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

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Like walking from the shallow side of the pool toward the end

Yesterday, I had dinner with two former colleagues. The things they told me really solidified my decision to leave that company. I mean, it was weird leaving and even scary, but I know more than ever that the decision was the right one. I know a lot of people who need to make similar decisions, and they just don’t realize yet how RIGHT those decisions are. I’m talking mgmt. promising things to employees with zero plans to ever make good on their word, simply to keep workers doing jobs they dislike. I’m talking promises of green cards that encourage new hires to leave long and successful careers, only to fire them once it comes time to start the paperwork. I’m talking not allowing employees in the US on work visas to go for promotions or other positions, simply because they know the employee can’t quit without risking deportation. Really terrible.

But even though all that is kind of extreme, I think anyone who is unhappy more than  happy at work needs to leave. I just can’t explain it enough how stupid and bad of a mistake it is not to find new work. Not to look. Not to realize you deserve a lot better, simply in regard to your happiness and self-respect. But, enough of that.


I am going to go for a walk on the boardwalk when I get home. I haven’t been to the beach in so incredibly long! I am having a hard time reconciling moving during the summer. But I hate my commute. But I’m scared of moving somewhere I won’t love. But fear is not a reason to stand still.


Mark- I am not going to do this forever. I told him yesterday, I can’t do this. He needs to make a change. Absolutely needs to. It’s just not feasible- if he doesn’t start really getting serious about changing careers, I can’t foresee moving in with him in June. And if we don’t move in together in June, it means we’re moving on. I love him to  death, it’s not him- and I could spend my life with him on the road this often- but I don’t want to. I don’t want to be alone this much. I don’t want to have a separate life completely from him. I just don’t want this. And if he isn’t going to stand up and make the right changes, regardless of his own fears, then we won’t work anyway. So that’s where I am. And I hope he doesn’t disappoint me.