If there really is no “God” as I had perceived him, and there is really no afterlife, and if this is truly all that we have of a life experience – then I am wasting my time here. We should be traveling, and we should be volunteering and helping people who are having far worse life experiences than us, and we should should be doing the things that make us happy and bring us peace- and not the things that keep us complacent or make us miserable.
It is time to stop living like I have a million chances and lives ahead of me. It’s time to stop being unhappy and worried about shit that is as inconsequential as us.
I don’t think I can keep living this. And it’s funny, making my goal salary has left me realizing just how much more there is to being alive.