I Don’t, by the Way.

“She likes to be sad.”

Careless words.

Some brains right, some brains left.


It’s Just the Concept, Man

When I first heard this song, I thought the chorus sang, “Baby, you’re so baby,” and I fell in love with it. As if being somebody’s baby was to fill some coveted attribute. Baby as an adjective, you’re so baby. It strikes me for some reason.

I listened to this song a few times, enamored, until I realize they’re singing, “Baby, ooh, baby.”

That’s not the same.

But I can continue listening, hearing “You’re so baby”, and so I’m still enamored.

The place to build on a mud budget,
Was a dirty river bank.
Until the yearly rain fall,
Where it dirty river sank.

The river motto never quit,
“We’re always rebuildin’”.
But then the town went broke,
And the river was filled in.

Now we livin where we lived,
But the views not the same.
Still have housin on the mud,
But our mottos have changed.

No one dies, no one moves,
We’re too stubborn to quit.
But without the river bank,
There’s nowhere to sit.

Remember the dock,
Where we used to think.

We’d pull it out the mud,
After the yearly sink.

Now it’s grown over,
Wood’s gone rotten.
And all those wooden thoughts,
Are all but forgotten.

Quick and Easy: Workdrobe

My Warrick Davis toes. This picture is from a week and 1/2 ago, and today I am wearing heels again for the first time. I was inspired to hurry my healing process up during a lunch date with a friend yesterday. She was wearing her pressed blouse and dress pants, heels shining nicely underneath, and I was wearing the above boot, one sandal, jeans and my hair wasn’t straightened. My face was puffy and my stomach engorged. I was dirty with mud on my shoulder. Bees were following me. You know the feeling.

The heels thing is going okay. My toe is still purple and crooked, bending unnaturally to the left. The bend is bit disconcerting, actually. It’s more bent now than it was when I took this photo, or the swelling was just hiding it really well. Regardless, the bend led me to my low heels today. They’re a little painful, but I have to be used to pain if I ever want to be taken seriously as a professional model. I’ve also decided to bring all of my blouses and dress pants to the dry cleaner this weekend so that I too can be pressed, starched and crinkle free. I don’t want to look like I’m wearing tissue paper 2 hours into the workday.

It’s important, dressing for success that is. And it’s easy, if you just do what I did. Take a couple hundred dollars and go to NY & CO. Everything there looks great and is cheap. Plus everything there is always on sale. Buy 5 pairs of dress pants, in different colors and cuts. Now you have pants for every occasion and work day. Buy 2 skirts, for the days you don’t want to wear pants or are feeling sexy. Buy a few nice blouses. Then invest in some cardigans. A nice cardigan over a simple tank (something with a design or basic black) with dress pants will never go wrong. Scarves too. I like wearing fancy scarves. Even if you simply buy your dress pants, skirts and two cardigans (also, buy two versatile suit jackets), you can go to Target and get the rest of your wardrobe, like cheaper cardigans, shirts and tanks for underneath the blouses, jackets or sweaters, etc.
I purchased these staples in August and nearly a year later I’m only now just beginning to feel the need to refresh the work wardrobe. Plus, you may not fully understand the culture of your office yet. You may find, as I did, that a pressed blouse is not necessary every day. In fact, a simple sweater is fine, or a short sleeve shirt with some type of detail, to keep it from being too casual. So you don’t want to buy everything and waste all your money on items you might dismiss a few weeks in.

That’s more for getting a new job, I guess.
The point here is nothing. I like wearing heels every single day. I feel like I look better. I feel better. I am taller and respected differently.

Insecurity is damned in the right set of heels.

Eternally Fucked

Skin 2 by Shane Koyczan

I don’t imagine you
saran-wrapped in black latex
or seeping out the edges
of something tight and red

I don’t close my eyes
to dream of your back
arched at the impossible angle
of a bow pulled tight
encouraging your shoulder blades
to drip the blood
of stockpiled broken hearts
but I hope the sound
of you not shielding your eyes
from my blinding humility
will one day top the charts

it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard
and you’re the charlie chaplin of your beautifuls
because you make me believe it
when you say it all without saying a word

looking at you it occurred to me
I could sit around all day
wearing nothing but your kiss

you make mirrors
want to grind themselves
back down into sand
because they can’t do your reflection justice

and this just in
I am done with those
who in life would have made me fight
an army of imperfections
a battalion of flaws
tonight we’re going to keep this city up
when they hear our bodies
slap together like applause.

by words such as these.

Nothing is easy when this is your natural soundtrack.


I’m back from vacation.

Or staycation.

I didn’t blog, or even check my e-mail except for once. I didn’t go to work. I didn’t walk much.

Downside: My fractured toe kept me from going to NYC, or the Outlets, or the bar, or a comedy show, or anything else that I wanted to do.

The Upside: I was able to borrow my mom’s neighbor’s wheelchair. I was wheeled to the sandwhich shop. I was wheeled to the beach. We practiced doing wheelies. By Wednesday-Thursday I could walk with my boot on without crutches.

It was nice to live like I was pre-job. Or really like I was no job. Staying up late, sleeping in a bit, drinking a lot of beer, having nothing to do, making plans. I’m refreshed at least. I wanted to do so much more than I was able to, but I got over that. For what it was, it was nice.

We went to the movies, we went Moster Golfing, we hung out at the beach with Brittany and Eric, we had Brendan over, we went to my dad’s BBQ and almost got good at cornhole, we made our famous Memphis Ribs and we made Chicken Francese for the first time, we drank wine and caught up on Game of Thrones, we hung out with Eric before he moved to California, we stayed up late talking… it was a good 5 days.

I won an award at work while I was gone. I’m changing my name to Sally Smith in the text so that no one finds me here, but here’s the award copy.  It was really nice:

Congratulations to Assistant Editor Sally Smith, who has won the [Company Name] Group Monthly Achievement Award  for May.
Sally wins the award for her unstinting efforts in supporting many aspects of the work of the US content team. She is nominated by her manager, who says:
“There are so many reasons why Sally is deserving of this reward. Her dedicated support of the US team in achieving the goals of our content build and launch is unwavering and every task she has performed (even the more menial ones) has been approached with the same positive, “can-do” spirit that we have all come to know and love so well.
Sally  is conscientious, efficient, deadline-driven and always committed to the quality of her work. She is genuinely interested in learning as much as she can about the business and any tools that exist to make her better at her job.
Throughout the build phase, Sally has been instrumental in so many ways, including, but not limited to: her work with author contracts and cultivating author relationships; her “moonlighting” as a production editor whenever her assistance is needed; her work on Liveflo- both learning the tool and training others on its use; her work on gathering and QCing many of the policies and documents on the site and preparing other content for the site; and her impressive preparation of training documentation for the legal editors on the EMT and production processes this past month.
Most significant, over the past two months, has been her commitment to the rigorous tracking of all of our files and crucial milestones as documents made their way through the author commissioning and production process. Although we have since determined that the amount of tracking needed on a daily basis requires the attention of a full-time employee devoted solely to this task, Sally has worked long hours to make certain that all items were properly tracked while also ensuring that her many other responsibilities did not fall by the wayside.
She prepared extensive training documentation on the tracking spreadsheet and has continued to provide hands-on training and mentoring of our new hire on the importance of the tracking and attention to detail required in managing the flow of files through production.
Her commitment has allowed us to properly identify backlogs in processing so that we could improve our methods and overall efficiency. When I think of the often-heard quote in business – “You are only as good as the people, you hire” – Sally Smith immediately comes to mind. Thank you, Sally, for all that you do for us.”

Well done to Sally, who wins a voucher worth $80.


Anyway, I don’t mind being back. I feel ready to get back to my daily routine. Plus I’ll eat less, which is good.

I need to start writing more and I want to learn to play the piano. There’s this good groupon deal to learn the keyboard at some music school in Red Bank. I should just do that.

I get nervous though! I’m not sure why.