I am a little tense at the moment.

So, I am on a new budget. It basically consists of me watching my bank account dwindle as I try to save money for June’s moving expenses. I was getting anxious over the idea of needing at least 5 grand to move out, considering my expenses will probably go up and I am going to need to buy everything for my next place. This is coming from me being under the impression that my next apartment will be a bit nicer, and it will be more grown up. Whether I am living with Brittany or Mark, but especially if I am living with Brittany, I expect to be paying more than I am now, and so I need to prepare for that. Plus, I can not stomach the idea of not cushioning myself for the upcoming day, and with such advanced knowledge of this impending expense, it felt too irresponsible not to prepare. All of that is umbrella’d under the fact that moving home is not an option for me (in my mind) ever again.

So suddenly the extra cash I did have is in savings, and I’m getting nervous.

Then today, I followed through with a quick idea I had had concerning Mark and Christmas. I wanted to buy tickets to The Book of Mormon. I mean, obviously that would be an amazing gift. It seemed implausible though. I assumed it would be really expensive, and it was. But the show is six months away and I will have paid it off by then. It’s just that with my current situation, those tickets were scary to buy, and I surprised myself because I didn’t allow my brain to think it over too much. I just pressed buy, buy again, yes I confirm, yes please take my money, okay.

And then I received an e-mail from my landlord saying that we haven’t paid our waterbill in six months. We have never received a waterbill. In fact, we thought it came quarterly. So imagine my surprise, thirty seconds after spending the most money I’ve spent on one thing in what seems like forever, getting an e-mail saying we owe an unexpected $450. That’s an extra $120 I wasn’t expecting, and I just paid my rent this week. I try to keep my bills staggered, and I’ve already spent too much recently ($200 on Christmas decorations and P90X equipment). I’m already broker than usual and on a tight budget.

But, as anxious as this makes me, I know I will be okay. And I am glad that I get to present Mark with those tickets, because that is going to be such a fun day I can’t even FATHOM it.

I’m really happy in my life.