A Place of My Own

All I can think about is having my own place. How nice it’s going to be to only worry about my mess. How special it’ll be that the fridge will only have my food. How I’m going to decorate it with a mix of Ikea and Goodwill. I’m excited about making my own space mine. Now, my room is mine, but it’s only half decorated, and as badly as I want to finish decorating it, I haven’t yet. I need to take a trip to the Salvation Army or something. I need a better vanity and TV stand that can double as a dresser like the one I have now. But my very own place to come home to? That’s the thing dreams are made of. Living on my own = something to be proud of.

I’m looking to see what I can afford on my own, and it’s rough. I want to stay near the shore but with my commute and the added cost of not splitting the bills 3 ways, I’d be wise to move somewhere between Old Bridge (at the most southern) and New Providence (where my office is being relocated). I don’t want to give up on my dreams of beauty and what not, and I do want to live in a downtown area… There are nice downtowns up north closer to my office, but they are also more expensive and I also don’t want to move too far away from Mark, my family and my friends (in that order?). I think I can be happy in my own apartment just about anywhere at this point.

The house we have now is nice, and could be great, but my roommates are too messy. They don’t help me out at all. They only just started doing their own dishes regularly. They have maybe once cleaned the bathroom, never vacuum, maybe once mopped, etc. They just got lazy and I don’t like living like that. Their clutter is all over the house. J’s girlfriend, who moved in for a month…, cleans and he acts like she’s doing me a favor. I always clean after myself and before I had this job I cleaned up after them as well. Her cleaning isn’t doing me a favor- she’s doing what they should have been doing all along.

I’m glad I moved in with roommates. It was a good transition from living at home and an opportunity to learn how to live on my own. But it is difficult living with others, maybe the male/female aspect has something to do with it, but I know clean men as well… it’s more of a lazy person thing. The older I get, the less tolerant I am of laziness.

So, my own apartment. That is what I’m dreaming of. I am hopefully up for a raise in April, and God willing it will be enough to help me afford living in an overpriced, one bedroom apartment that is perfect for me, in size and location to those that are most important.

I want to bring those beautiful Tennessee nights to NJ. That’s my only option right now. Though know, I still dream of moving to Tennessee. I bet with this experience I could get a good job down there, with affordable rent, in an apartment I’d love. Those are my rose colored glasses. The last piece of fantasy in my all-too adult life. My roots are growing, and I don’t know if I’ll ever want to uproot again.

I think that the notion that you can only have an extremely perfect, blissful life in one spot and not at the spot your in is misguided and naive. For now I am where I am supposed to be, and I pray that God will one day have in place for me the chance to move somewhere else wonderful. But regardless of where I live, if I don’t know how to live well anywhere, I won’t live well anywhere.

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