Things at work are stressful. I never wanted to leave there because I’ve put so much time into that place that it seemed like a waste to start over. But I’m almost basically starting over anyway, because there is hardly anything as seniority any more, and the new managers haven’t seen our progress over the last few years, and they don’t respect or know us at all. So I could just work hard to show what kind of employee I am and continue working in what is now basically a drill sergeant type environment, or I could leave and try to find a new job that I will enjoy.

I’m going to give it until school’s out before I make any decisions because you need to give new things time before judging them. We’ll see though. My dad said, “Sometimes it’s just time to move on.” Oh Dad, that’s my specialty…

I’ve been trying to dig out the terrible core of myself lately. I realized a long time ago that I don’t sacrifice myself at all for God. But then lately I have noticed the terrible battle inside of myself. Literally a fight. ME verse GOD.
It’s this up and down. It’s Christ in me and my flesh, and they are continuously battling over my state of mind. I am working on it though. I see progress too. I think gaining control over my thoughts would be a great step in making my life for God. I haven’t tried that before. Like I’ve been saying, I let myself do what I want. But I’m practicing discipline. And I’m happier. When I start to free myself of the mental burdens I’ve been living under, life feels lighter. There’s no denying that a life lived for God is a better life. It’s just, actually giving yourself up is the difficult part. I feel like, “Why should I give myself up? Living for God, what does that mean anyway?” See the selfish side.

But then I am reminded, fortunately, that giving myself up is giving up the control that Satan has over me. It means allowing God to show me the way instead of sin. Living for God means living for what you were created to do. And there is absolutely nothing better than the feeling that comes from being guilt free and doing what you were perfectly created to do.

Every day is a battle, but the good thing is is that in time what you want actually changes. the things I desire that aren’t good for me become less desirable. I’m not dumb enough to say I’m like changed or anything. I’m not. I’m going to make a billion more mistakes in my life. But this is the progress I have been making lately.

In other news, this semester I have been so lazy it’s ridiculous. It’s a very good thing I only have 1 semester left.


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