Don’t ask me why I have been reading so many widower blogs lately. after finding matt’s i have been clicking on their blog rolls, and then on their blog rolls, ever since. its wildly depressing but also beautiful. i want to say poignant. the hope that resides underneath is akin to that one streak of sun from behind a storm cloud. they really have hope- hope for happiness, hope of being a good parent, hope of making something good from this. its not always there. sometimes theyre just sad. sometimes all they can do is remember. and then fear they’ll forget.

it puts a ball in my throat.

but its beautiful- i think that sadness is beautiful. i think happiness is beautiful too but sadness is more constant. more common. more relatable. and the endurance in being hopeful is promising. its human. its the need to believe in more than the present. its a dismissal of the permanency of emotion while also allowing that emotion to exist.

but i should stop reading them, because it keeps me up too late, and because its really sad. going from blog to blog turns them into a spectacle.

i just like to be reminded of the beautiful, hope filled sadness of every person. whether widowed or not.

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