So, seeing as I’m probably not pregnant, I have yet another chance to live freely. Now, pregnancy scares might as well be my fucking favorite past time because when it comes to Joe I always think I’m pregnant. I think sex w/o a condom or birth control is absolutely retarded. It scares me and I always think that THIS TIME my luck has ran out. But anyway-

I was thinking of how I would look at my life now if I suddenly was pregnant and I realized I’d see myself as having had a free, nice life. Good friends, few responsibilities, the freedom to go to the bar if I want, the freedom to move away. The ability to plan moving away. If all that left, I would be upset. So now that I have that back, I want to make sure I don’t waste my youth here.

I also think that one day when I do have a baby, it will be beautiful. It’s just not time yet.

I love how wonderful Joe is though whenever I think I’m having his babies, even when he’s half deaf and worried and should be rightfully preoccupied. I think that if that had happened, we’d be able to create a happy life. I know we could make it work, which is comforting when I think I have little columbians inside of me.


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