Last night I dreamed that Armageddon had come. The sky turned liquid and red. A demon rose out of the water in front of me, flew into a woman, and stole her away. I started to cry and prayed for forgiveness.
I woke up this morning and found that I had fused to my bed. Or at the very least I had acquired a magnetic attraction to it. I was physically unable to separate my skin from my sheets or my head from the pillow. It was the type of morning that left me wanting to do nothing other than close my eyes and hibernate for the next two months. I was as tired as I had been the night before. But, life doesn’t sleep, and I had to be at my internship meeting by eleven. I decided against showering before finally prying myself loose from the knotted bedspread that had tied itself around my ankles. I made jokes with my sister and felt relatively okay before bypassing Dunkin’ Donuts in order to make it to the meeting only a few minutes late.
The air was still as I sat at the plastic covered kitchen table. I felt like I wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to be there. But, here we were.. and the meeting commenced. For no particularly acceptable reasons, the entire meeting annoyed me. Not so much during as afterwards. I scribbled my notes down, looked at my coming week’s agenda and headed home with plans of having lunch with my sister.
At lunch we talked about moving out, wrote down a budget for ourselves and realized how much we could be saving if we just lived on an allowance. Nothing ridiculous. In fact, I can spend a good amount of money a week while simultaneously stuffing my checking account. Our server gave us free coffee because we knew one of the waiters. On the ride home we calculated how much money I spend on cigarettes and I decided to quit.
I didn’t do any of the homework I had planned on doing. I took a nap instead but had trouble sleeping because I could hear music playing from downstairs. I need quiet when I sleep, save for the hum of my fan. I got out of the bed that had only a few hours before been an extension of myself and ate the leftovers I had taken home from lunch. I watched reality television. I went on the internet. I still didn’t do my homework. We talked about how frustrated we were. We began planning our Spring Break vacation.
We (my sister and I) both need to clear our minds. We both feel stifled and frustrated. We both miss the long stretches of highway and free minds that carried us during the road trip seven months ago. We decided to drive to Nashville in March. We looked at hotels. We found places to visit. We calculated the walking distance to Broadway. We realized we need more money.
The hours ticked away slowly. We talked about what we could have done today had we just accepted that we weren’t going to be getting any school work done. I did some laundry.
We watched The Notebook.
We both cried.
I wrote a bunch of angry blogs.
At midnight I bought a pack of cigarettes, took a Benadryl, and decided that today was just one of those days. I didn’t blame it on emotion, or on my frustration with people, or on my work load. I know it’s just one of those days where your bed tries to warn you to stay in it but your life pries you away.
I wished I was a bear.
I felt grateful for my mom.
I hoped tomorrow would be better.