1:49 AM

Okay, so here’s the deal. I go through phases with my blogs. That’s why I’ve had so many. I have them for a while until I reach a new stage. Then, the blog I have reminds me of old things. A past life. Different experiences. It has a vibe. A mood. It has a way of pinning me down to a certain type of writing. A certain type of outlook. Like it’s haunted by the past I’ve written in to it.

That is happening with this blog. I don’t want it to, but it is. I have thought about abandoning this blog like I have my others and adding it to the written list of URLS in my handwritten journal. Like a family tree of my dead personas.

But, I don’t really want to start over. I like looking at my archive and seeing the years accumulate. They always accumulate. I guess I have each online journal for about 2-3 years before moving on.

Why though can I not force the actual me back in here? I want to try but I’m telling you it’ll be really hard. That’s why the tumblr is good. It’s a fresh new slate.

Really, new journals to me feel exactly like a new notebook would feel to a normal person. Clean, untainted, ready to be filled. If this were a notebook it would be tattered, ugly and an eyesore.

So, that’s where I’m at with this. I don’t know if I can push passed it. I haven’t really tried to before.

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