School has been going fine so far. Nothing substantial has happened but I’m sure in time it’ll drive me crazy. Ideally if I didn’t work on Tuesdays I’d have time to get everything done because I can’t do stuff during the day, I’m better at doing homework in the evening. But maybe that’s a habit I’ll break, probably not.
I’ve been spending a lot of time Martyring it up lately. Feels like this week I saw Nic a LOT. Then last night seeing Matt I was like oh yeah, this guy!
I don’t know. I’ve been really happy lately and I felt really liberated too. Free! Endless possibilities! Single to fullest…finally. Except, I don’t know. I don’t care about being in a relationship. I just need to stay fully single and keep myself from being a jackass because that does affect me. But I really need to write. Not in these words, these fragmented sentences I paste together out of bewilderment. I mean words that are slowly and carefully crafted together with purpose.
There are moments that are so so meaningful to me. Not to you maybe but to me. And I take those and I’d like to suddenly immortalize them. But a few days pass, and suddenly I don’t care about them anymore. I just store them.
I’ve had so many of those moments though that I should keep them saved somewhere tangible because otherwise I am going to lose them. And I don’t mean emotionally significant moments derived from some emotional attachment that I will later cut and walk away from, in turn cutting lose the ever-important moment. No. I mean moments of such value that even years and years later,even after all the feelings have been drained, even after the people involved are gone and disappointments.. you can still look back and fully understand why it was important and still be grateful for it’s existence. You’re glad that you had that moment then, you’re glad for how it made you feel then. Almost like looking at your child and being happy they have a best friend because otherwise life would be lonely. I look back at these moments and it’s as if I’m watching over myself, feeling grateful I had that because it gave something beautiful to my spirit at the time. Something I probably needed. It’s like looking back on a movie and picking out your favorite scenes.
That’s what I need to write down.