my mom came back from a wedding tonight with stories of people finding their way back to God and meeting the men they were destined for. That led to we need to get back to church and back to God and find the men we are destined for. I walked upstairs. I just don’t want to hear that. I dont want anything like it was in the past. I feel like people in the church are dumb and not real. Isnt’ that bad? Like they don’t know “the real world”. I think I just need to go to church and get over myself.

I feel like Im at a place ive never ever been before. A place where youre almost not a believer anymore. I am still a believer, but I am the farthest now that I’ve ever been from where I was once. And it’s scary. and its hard to come back. i think this will all be for my testimony one day. when I’m working with young women who make the decisions im making. the girls that just need some answers. the girls that dont know where to start in organized religion but have lost their way trying it on their own. the girls who are torn between what they want to do and what they ought to do. the girls who know better, but still feel there should be room for error, and dont understand why religion is based on guilt. why religion should make you feel shitty all the time.

there’s a part I am missing. I know it.


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