proof number 349234598340584842 that God exists: After my post yesterday I went downstairs and Mick had fixed the drive issues completely. I then worked on final cut and after a few emails back and forth with my professor and some tinkering I got it all working. So Sunday shouldn’t be hell. Thank you God. And on top of that I AM learning final cut, which is awesome.
So I had a dream last night> I was in this office and all the guys were interested in me and there was this one guy who I knew was going to ask for my number. So just as I was leaving he got some paper out and I went to give him my number but instead he gave me his. So I got his number and just then one of the guys went to walk me out. He wasn’t the most attractive guy there (the guy who gave me his number was the attractive one). However it was like a magnetic force was pulling us together. He was so confident, didnt care that I just got some guys number. It was as if he knew he was supposed to be with me and I him. The connection between us was so strong that as we were walking (remember we had just met) our hands kept coming together. He said, “wow.” He walked me outside and was walking me to my car, I told him it was pretty far away, but he kept walking with me. It was instant chemistry. We stopped at his house (which was on the way to my car apparently) and hung out. It was as if we had always known one another. That guy who gave me his number was less than a distant memory- he didn’t even exist.
I feel like that’s how it’s going to actually be. Just instant comfort, instant chemistry, magnetism, and every one else will be forgotten. They wont matter anymore.
It put things into perspective a bit. Anyway, I just wanted to remember that dream.
This week sucks. That drive I got for 1 million dollars doesnt fucking work adn they wont refund it theyll just replace it but I dont need it replaced I need something else. and now I cant work on this until sunday and my throat hurts right now bc im holding back crying and I just want this over. I have so much to do and not enough time and I just cant take this anymore. I need help. I need help. I need help.
I’ve been trying to watch my caloric intake lately, and thus had a dream last night that I weighed 149. I was very upset about it.
My mom has the flu. I have no insurance. I pray I don’t get it.
I am still full from Johnny Rockets 16 hours ago. I didn’t stuff my face but that place just.. ugh. But you have to be a true American and have a burger, chili cheese fries and a shake. So maybe I did stuff my face. I hung out with Shark for a while there.
Checked my e-mail. 2 from my Monday professors. One basically offering me an extension on that final cut project. I didn’t ask. He could just tell I guess? I still feel very overwhelmed. Like I want a nice massage and a remote control to fast forward through the semester.
Dave moves on Sunday. I’m sad. We’re going out tonight for him. I don’t want to get too drunk because I have to go help Maureen wedding dress shop on Saturday morning and you can’t be hungover for that type of thing. As she put it, “If you throw up it’ll really hurt my self confidence” haha.
I’m off to go to class and then come home and work on that damn mf project. It’s the thorn in my side but once I get it moving it shouldn’t be a big deal.
Lord be with me.
Oh and I’m excited for Halloween even though I look like a fool in my costume.
I should really write a blog about being a single 23 year old girl. I think it would be relate-able. I also feel like as life continues I won’t remember these few months in a few years. I’m on autopilot. That’s not meant to be depressing. I’m just working toward graduating and serving and appreciating my friends lately. Nothing bad, but nothing monumental either.
I have definitely been feeling emotionally shielded lately. Like, as if the other day (yesterday, actually) I took a hit and now inside I’m hiding under the covers. Just to take care of myself. I’m feeling better. Gosh, I don’t break down easily, but afterward I’m always a little tender. I haven’t been blogging as much either. In part due, I’m sure, to my computer being testy with the power cord situation, but also because blogging moods come and go, and after my Writer Craze subsided, I had some left over great writing feelings, and then I wrote those chapters to the book, and now I’m flat lined. Not flat lined as in dead, I mean emotionally straight. Writing and emotion are so tied together for me. If someone knew me well enough they could read my blog and after a week just know where I am emotionally.
Halloween should be good. Work with Nic and Josh will be fun and then Matt’s later that night. Sucks I’ll be getting there so late. I have to decide to either 1) not drink too much and drive the girls home or 2) stay the night. I’ll figure it out then. But I got my costume all figured out today, the last piece will be Nic drawing out my shirt. It’s so silly looking, it made me laugh.
Britts here, foods here, I’m out
I woke up today stressed out because I know this week I have to work in Final Cut for a big project and I don’t know how to use it. I woke up with a headache that remained from last night. I gave my Tuesday and Friday shifts to Dave. I got a too-big cup of iced coffee, and drank it like it was nothing. I smoked cigarettes. I got to class, couldn’t figure out Final Cut. I prayed on my way to school, I did. On my break, I lost it. It was brewing, I should have sensed it. I started crying, and called my Mom. I was almost hyperventilating. I was just so overwhelmed. I have a lot going on this semester. All these English courses and their readings/papers/journals/blogs/etc. I can juggle it, or scrape by, but learning a new program on top of it was just too much. I Just wanted to cry. I went back, asked for help, and my Professor was good. I figured out how to capture video, convert video, edit it, manipulate sound… so I came a long way in three hours. I just have to breath and keep my calm. Usually I’m good at it. But just like 2 years ago when I was in Brookdale looking for schools and I started hysterically crying, sometimes the elements get the best of you. Fortunately I can freak out for 10 minutes, take a deep breath, and then move forward.
Today we tried on the bridesmaid dresses for Maureen’s wedding. There was some complaining here and there about the idea of strapless dresses but really, who gives a crap. It’s Maureen’s wedding. Wear what you want the other 364 days of the year. Plus you can get a little jacket to wear during the reception if it’ll be more comfortable. Bitches aside, it went well. Except my boobies didn’t fit in anything. I’ll have to get it taken in.