First off, my new header picture looks like something out of a lame fantasy video game, but its really the bottom part of a picture I took in England. It was a huuge sculpture of an elephant from a Dali painting. I don’t know if I like it. I’m going to probably change it.
Secondly, I’m officially twenty-three and have been for 1 hour and 2 minutes. Happy Birthday Che. This year has been.. good I think. I have technically been single for the entirety of it. On my birthday last year though I was at the Jester and Joe is the person who brought me and Brittany home, so that kind of sums up that whole thing. The legacy of that relationship was still on during the beginning part of being 22 and so though I have been single, my heart wasn’t vacant for a good part of this year. I was able to go to England, to Paris, and to meet Mick’s family (who I do love. Unless it’s WHOM.. I’ve yet to commit myself to figuring that one out). I saw Stonehenge, kissed an Englishman, and traveled the country on a trip that I am still sorting through mentally. A trip I grow to appreciate more as more time passes by. I left Brookdale, was accepted into Rutgers and did exceptionally well considering my track record, but not any better than I am capable of. Not any better than I should have been doing all along. I saw Shari, healed emotionally and started somewhat working on getting my shit together, though my room still isn’t what I want it to be. I learned to really appreciate my friends, grew closer to my family and overall avoided anything too traumatic. I haven’t kept up with the 2009 list, but I plan on updating it soon. So, my hopes for 23 are as follows:
- If not completely finishing school, turn 24 during what should be my last semester (I have to say that depresses the hell out of me and I really want to graduate before I’m 24).
- Intern and all that jazz.
Those are really my only goals. I want to be happy, restore my walk (spiritually speaking) and grow closer to being the woman I am already becoming. That sentence is vague. In other words, I am growing up and getting older, and I see myself maturing and becoming less child-like, and so as this is already the inevitable I hope to grow into a good woman. The type of woman I am supposed to be. I have no hopes for love or relationships. That will come when it’s supposed to. I do hope to be fulfilled on my own and cut out reckless behavior. I want to continue writing and stick to a story, like possibly writing chapter 2 of my Fosdick story.
I want to continue to be happy and become happier. I want to make my parents proud. I want to make God proud. I want my rhetoric with the kids to become more personal and real and I want to be someone they can come to for advice or at least someone they respect. I think I’m already there, I just want to enhance that. Especially with Hayley, who isn’t really a lost cause, but who does need those strict guidelines she’s already being handed.
I’m entering a more adult phase of life, a phase of adulthood that is only going to increase with time. So I want to do it responsibly and willingly. I will not drag my heels in the ground when it comes to aging. I accept it. I’m okay with it. It’s foolish to fight the inevitable. It’s a waste of time to try and stop the clock. Might as well do it gracefully.
I went to my dad’s tonight and had fun. I am more comfortable with them these days as I have started truly being myself. We were talking at dinner, due to these conversation cards they had with questions written on them and then everyone or one or two people answer, about changing sexes. That is, would you rather be a girl or a boy. My dad said he’d only want to be a girl when getting pulled over because girls get out of tickets easily, and Dina Brittany and I confirmed this with snippets of stories and by throwing out different tactics. Coincidentally, on my way home I noticed my headlight was out. Then I called Maureen. Then I saw a cop. Then I passed said cop. Then I saw him pull out. Then I got off the phone because I saw him pull out and onto 18. Then the cop worked his way behind me. Then I got pulled over. Then the cop told me my headlight was out and I was on the phone. Then I handed him an expired insurance card. Then I handed him another expired insurance card. Then he asked where I worked. Then he went to his car. Then I was freaking out. Then he came back. Then I was sure I was fucked. Then he said he was letting me go and not to spit in his food if he came to my restaurant. Then we both laughed. Then I thanked God. Then I went home and printed out temporary proof of my insurance. Then I opened birthday cards.
It was fortunate.. it was blessed.. it was coincidental. It wasn’t ironic.
I played Farmville with Zach for a while. I love that kid. We get along well. He likes me and isn’t afraid to approach me. Jordan has his first real girlfriend. His first real love. He talks more. He’s happier I think. He’s funnier.
I have things to work on, but I am happy over all.
And I’m done with this post.
Happy Birthday Che.
Also, Joe called me, which I think was nice of him.