A year ago yesterday I went out with Charles Manson. Yesterday, drunken fool that I am, I made a huge scene over the phone with Joe about absolutely nothing at all.
I make bad decisions on September 3rd. Let that be known for the rest of my life. That way, whenever September 3rd comes around from here on out I will stay in bed, I will not have any form of human interaction, I will eat food and I will sleep. I will not drink. I will not speak to any men. I will hibernate. Of course, if its September 3rd, even that will turn out to be a bad decision when for instance Ed McMan comes to my door with my 3 million dollar check and I’m all cozied up in my dank bedroom, refusing to leave.
I obviously am retarded. Strap a helmet to my head and call it a day because I can not be trusted to take care of myself. The problem here is I say “Ooooooooooh. Being in a relationship would add to my life, but not being in one doesn’t take away from it.” Okay Miss You Got It All Together, then why did you text your exboyfriend last night? Whyyyyy do you sleep with Nic? Why is HE even brought up in this blog as often as he is!
Because.. dumby… you are missing something. I am. I am missing that connection and as long as it’s out there I will be slightly crazy until it finds me.
I don’t know if it’s a chick thing or just a me thing, but I like relationships dammit and watching Brittany’s end and Kari’s coming to the inevitable end doesn’t scare me. It reminds me that my turn is coming up and I want it.
I feel weak, saying I want a relationship, and thats definitely why I always say I don’t want one. But it’s not weakness. I can hold a decent life on my own, as I have been doing. It’s not weak it’s normal. We are not meant to be alone. It’s simple as that.
I need to allow myself to be vulnerable with myself. Otherwise.. I will do stupid things.