There is more. Always, there is more.
It is not enough to go to school. It is not enough to work. It is not enough to go out with my sister. It is not enough to have dinner with friends. It is not enough to have phone calls. It is not enough to plan movie dates. It is not enough to have everyone around who is around.
Looking at that, my memory was jogged and I saw myself with my plans. Like today’s plans of movie and dads. Like tomorrows plans of movies with Nic and going to Alana and Bobby’s. Like Tuesday’s plans of sleeping at Josh’s. Like every Wednesday’s plans. Of Rachel’s phone calls and how much I love her.
My life looks full. It is full. But still I am not content. And I wholeheartedly believe I need to change my relationship with God. It’s not bad, but it feels one sided at times. I’m asking and praying all the time, but what I am doing for him? It can never be an equal relationship so I need to do whatever he asks of me in order to give back something to Him who gives me everything. But I don’t know what he’s asking of me right now! Maybe just to read and go to church.. which yes I could definitely improve on. But I feel like it should be something more exciting. And maybe that’s just it. I just need to do whatever He wants.
All in an attempt to find peace. I looked up a Christian club at Rutgers and found some multi-ethnic christian something or other, and it didn’t interest me. But I wish it had.