Hi hi hi.
So, you know what I decided? Next time I’m up for love, I’m not making any rules. “you can’t love me yet” “blah blah blah” what we’re supposed to do, shouldn’t do, is this normal, I’m scared. all that bull shit.
I want to passionately pursue love and jump in head first. That’s what’s been reborn in me. I’m not scared of anything anymore. I suppose what’s the absolute worst that can happen? The worst is that you don’t ever pursue it and then you never know. I’d rather it all fall apart than wonder what could have happened. You’d think that I would be bitter or timid or guarded but I’m not. I mean what is there to be guarded over at this point? My heart has broken a few times, and each and every time I have moved on, learned some things, and continued living. I mean obviously sometimes it was hard, I remember with every boyfriend I’ve had different key moments when things were hard. But you do get over it. And why? Because when you’ve given everything, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether it’s meant to be or not. If you give parts of yourself only and allow the rest of you to be guarded, you won’t know for certain whether it’s meant to be or not. So you’ll be hung up on them long after it should have ended. But when you throw caution to the wind sort of speak, love with all you have and submerse yourself in it.. you’ll know. So if it ends, it’s okay because you know that’s best. It’s like.. if you take a tiny bite of stuffed mushrooms you don’t get the entire full effect of it. You might taste the crab, or the mushroom, but you won’t taste all of it so you won’t know whether or not you really like it. Youll just be like “YUCK”. However, if you eat the whole thing..just shove it in your mouth.. you will be engulfed by the taste of it, the consistency, the blending of the spinach and the cream and the mushroom.. and you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether or not youll ever eat that again. That’s love. Do it all the way and you’ll get your answers. And you won’t regret anything. And, if it’s not meant, you truly have that closure.
So, I guess that’s it. Im willing to Live passionately.. love passionately.. and also, let everyone love their own way. I won’t judge others relationships anymore.
I think because I am so loved, I want to love. I am loved fully, so I want to love fully. God had placed this joy in my heart lately and I am so blessed by it. I’m eager, happy and some what bursting. My heart is bursting with stuffed mushrooms I guess.