Friday’s class is awful. I have this professor that rambles on and on, which I usually don’t mind because it means we get through less and there’s less on the tests. Not when I have to sit through it for 3 hours though. Then it’s just torturous, trying not to fall asleep and trying to figure out what to put in my notes. The lab isn’t too bad though, it goes by fast enough once we start doing the work and I’m just learning so I can pass those practicals. Now that I’m home, it’s not so bad. It’s rainy outside, the world is submersed in gray and I can think of nothing other than laying in my bed right now. I’ll take a tiny nap maybe.
I don’t know, for the first time, what I want. Usually I have an inkling, but now I don’t. Outside of what anyone thinks.. just between you and I… who knows. I’m just going to continue living and see what happens. I don’t know how to make things happen, or what is supposed to happen. I know that I want to be loved and adored and bring a smile to someones face and to be the light of their eye and their best friend and the person they turn to for everything. I know I want to love, and adore, and smile, and have a light in my eye and a best friend and someone to turn to for everything. I want that person to be my other half. I don’t know if we make that for eachother. It’s not something you can make. Its just something that would be. Could it be? Yeah I know, that’s the question. But we have our lives and goals to accomplish right now and if we should be or could be or anything, God will help us.
Tonight I might go to Karis, tomorrow work all day, Sunday church and the movies. At least those are the plans. We’ll see what comes.
I want to be better. I have grown, but found a higher plateau. I’m sorry I haven’t been focusing on you these last two weeks. Focusing as in reading as often as I was, going to church or tithing. But I have spoken to you every day, praised you and thanked you. I still thank you. For all I know of you and everything I don’t know. It’s comforting that you’re bigger than me.
I can NOT wait to eat dinner. Im staahving.