Things change so quickly. I still can’t believe Mark is married. I still can’t believe he no longer talks with me, when only a year and a half ago he was in town and my best friend.
I still hold resentment over the fact that Andrew is married and a father. I can’t believe how that all happened, even though he’s been with Brie for a while now and regardless of the fact that I really like her a lot. I just find it strange that he’s so suddenly a husband and dad.
It’s hard to sometimes think of life only a few months ago and how quickly it’s changed. A few months ago I was in love and leaning on a man I thought loved me. And now, I’m standing on my own two feet, realizing that there is so little i really know about love.
I think of all the plans we’ve made in life, how they don’t work out how you thought they would. That I wasn’t able to even attend Andrew’s wedding, let alone be in it. That I wasn’t even invited to Marks when for so long he was my favorite person in the world. I still remember when he moved away. I haven’t cried that hard over many people.
But some plans do work. Rachel moved to Florida my sophmore year of highschool and we are still great friends. Over the past years we’ve seen each other only two times and yet we have become better friends than when she was living only a minute from my house. I am still friends with Andrew, and the plan to be good friends with who ever he ended up marrying was fulfilled. Matt is still a great friend of mine and now that he has moved home for good after graduating this passed week our friendship will continue with ease. My plans to do a 180 after leaving Lee have been succesful, though they got off to a bumpy start.
I read recently that often we are faced with God’s plan for us and choose to go another way because it seems safer; less risky. But, it asked, what could be safer than being in the middle of God’s plan for us? To be where he wants us is to be at the best place. Regardless of the risks. Risks are what make things worth it. I am continuing (with force lately) to seek Him out and walk in the center of where I should be. It is not easy and with every lesson learned, I realize just how little i actually know. At time’s it’s very intimidating. Yet, I am happier than I could have ever been had I tried to handle this passed month on my own. Hearts don’t magically heal, problems don’t just disappear, realities aren’t magically changed or suddenly easy. However, healing does come faster than you would expect. You find solutions to problems and they are resolved. Realities find purpose and acceptance does come.
Perhaps I still struggle. Perhaps I still find difficulties. But I am immediately encouraged and I am immediately comforted. And with these things, I find the courage to carry on. How great. How fortunate I am. How undeserving, really.
It may not be easy, but it is easier, because my burden is suddenly not only mine. He carries it with me, and I feel lighter each day. I am thankful.