Im okay okay okay. Just stressed or annoyed or something. I don’t know. I need to go work out and destress. 

After this episode of Made of course =)

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merry merry

Today was good. Christmas morning with my mom, then to my dads for a delicious dinner and games with the family. Then to Maureens for rock band with joe britt moe jeff and brian, cameos by josh, kari tim katie john shaun and jameson.

last night me and Joe exchanged gifts. Im happy and content. my two favorite gifts are:
a new ipod from joe
an amazing picture frame that has something so sentimental scipted across it that britt had made. It brought tears to my eyes

Most importantly though I spent Christmas with everyone I really love, and there’s no one I’d want there more and no other way I would’ve wanted to spend it.

I love you.

I dont know

Today is the day I most dreaded because I had to do marketing work. My final tomorrow in my mind is one that can make or break me for this class considering I dont know three of my test grades and the last one I bombed.

So today I had to do my marketing plan and a 5 chapter review. I did my marketing plan and it ended up being 10 pages long. 10 pages.. three hours.. the most frustrated I’ve been over these past few days. Once it was finally finished I saved it and emailed it to myself, then I laid down and took a breath because it was 12:40 and I was intimidated by the review. But for some reason I decided to double check what had been emailed.. a blessing. I opened it and the file was only 4 pages long, and very rough. My ten page plan was not saved for some reason. I went to the folder it was in and it wasnt there. For some reason my computer malfunctioned I guess and subsequently, my ten glorious pages of graphs and charts.. of hard work.. all gone. All I could do was cry. I know, lame, but I felt so discouraged and overwhelmed. Defeated. Its two in the morning now and we searched for that file forever.. its gone. So now that I’m collected Im just going to go to bed because I cant do it again tonight. Im so emotionally drained over it. I just cant believe those ten pages are forever lost. Worst of all, my professor doesnt give a shit and there are no exceptions. Either have it in tomorrow or fail. So I just have to get up really early and re-do it all, then do my review. Im numb to it now.. and so annoyed/frustrated/depressed over it. Most of all Im scared. If I dont pass this class I am going to have to take it over in the summer and Im already taking four classes this summer. Im just praying. Lord please help me tomorrow to have the strength and energy to get everything done and help me to fall asleep tonight.

Tomorrow its all over but Im going to be nervous as shit until I get those grades in. Goodnight.

Today, December 17th 2007

So things have been going pretty well, other than the fact that work has been slower than expected and my bulging bank account really isn’t so bulging. For the next three days I have all my finals, save the one in speech which I did last week. Joes back in town and things with him are going fantastic. I’m very happy and Maureen put things into perspective without meaning to today when she asked me some questions I had told her not long ago I needed. I told her I wanted to feel happy and that to me initial love is like being on cloud nine. So today she asked if I was happy, and I said yes. Then she asked if I was on cloud nine.. and I thought for a moment, being reminded of our past conversation…

xchexbabex (11:47:37 AM): i am very very happy
XxNiKeGaL42xX (11:47:44 AM): did it feel good
xchexbabex (11:47:58 AM): i remember thinking i felt like my heart was floating..
XxNiKeGaL42xX (11:48:04 AM): are u on cloud nine like u explained to me?
xchexbabex (11:48:09 AM): actually, i think I am
XxNiKeGaL42xX (11:48:24 AM): then congratulations, im happy for u

ah-ha moments, as Oprah would call them. Also, I am very corny and lame. I accept this because this is what I am truly like when I’m happy with someone. So it’s a good thing.

Im excited to be passing this math class because the first time I took it last year, I didn’t. But my life is so different than it was during the fall of 2006. I am so different. All for the better. I am so happy to have changed my social scene, to have left behind my wilder ways and to finally be grounded, driven and horizontally eye level. I am grateful for Joe and though I can’t say I’ve never felt this way before.. I’m happy to say I have. Because I know what love is and I’m fortunate to be experiencing it again. I’m fortunate to be experiencing it with an honest person and with some one who really does in all the truth of the expression, love me.

2007 is wrapping up on a high note, as I demanded and expected it too. When you change your perspective and begin to demand good things for yourself, the universe returns it. And as always, God’s got my back.

End of lame journal post #1293. Now I have to shower and do homework. I also have got to eat something

P.S
People are also noticing I’m in a better mood. My front is hereby shattered.

Open mic is tonight. Next week is the last week of the semester and I am so. so. so. excited. You know, if I take just as many classes next year as I am this year, Ill only graduate a semester behind. If I want to take that many that is.