I find myself thinking about my weight a lot lately. I don’t want to gain any weight ever. I would, however, like to lose some weight. 

I don’t want to focus on it though because I never focus on my weight. I just kind am whatever I am… but it’s like something straight out of freshmen year has rekindled inside of me.

I’ll try to ignore it.


Overall demeanor

Things are going really well. This semesters almost done and I’ll have a nice break before winter classes. I’m just not going to allow myself to worry about this summer, moving (or not moving), school after Brookdale.. none of that. Im leaving it to God because I can’t do this.

Today is a curl up in bed type of day.

Andrew and Brie are moving to California. I have my own thoughts about this but they are not important. Its about th e baby now.

I hope Matt is okay. I’m glad Emily and him are broken up, even if for just now. Maybe she’ll learn or he’ll realize things and then if they are to get back together, he’ll be treated correctly. I hope though that he meets someone better. Amazing. Someone not so volatile.


tortured souls
some souls
unfaithful souls
insatiable souls

the truest of souls
pure souls

unquenchable, unresting, unsettling souls

lost souls
forever in a club, of lonely souls

lonely souls
content souls
unattached souls
forever these souls.

as is. as are.

as will be until

Since youre the only who reads this… you looked very nice today. I’m still excited. I do not hate you, I’m sorry I’m such a retarded jerk. I know you love me. Also, good luck on future auditions.


My room is dry and its making me sick

I woke up two and a half hours ago with cramps. they weren’t so bad, so I got up and took some ibuprofen and went back to bed. But its like, the cramps go away, I’d fall asleep, and they’d come back and wake me up again. I thought medicine was supposed to keep them away, not just for tiny intervals of time. I should go get more medicine. Ill go to the store or something. Im starving also because I didn’t eat much yesterday so maybe I’ll get food too.

Last night I met up with my cousin Alexis for a few drinks and then we went and saw my cousin Phil and his band play at Katmandu. It was actually really good seeing them and talking to Lexi. I’m glad I didn’t bail for open mic.

I have class and then work but I really really really really really want to skip class.