Can I just say I went to last years journal entries at this time.. and my life was a lot more exciting then. But totally out of control. But still.. I had so much going on.

IM BORED. With what? Life. Im just straight up bored with it!

Argggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

But, fortunately I was smart enough to make all those entries private. So, we can keep those stories for ourselves.

I’m not entirely bored. I suppose

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i wrote this last night and never posted it

Day six with a headache. yesterday I thought I had it under contrt wouol but tonight I couldn’t control it. I took this english medicine called Syndol or something and Im feeling better but its not as good as Excedrin.

….

I went to Alexis’ birthday/graduation party today and it was good seeing her and Phil and the family. Her friends and everyone were very nice. I had a few too many beers.. or really it was beer pong I suppose.. and my mom didn’t let me take my car home. That’s fine. Tomorrow is an 8 am meeting at work. Followed by a double. Awful.

Please Jesus, take away these painful headaches. If it is stress, how do I destress immediately?

I purchased the Amy Winehouse CD today. It’s not at all what I though it would be but it grew on me quickly. It’s soulful and R&Bish which is okay. I need to broaden my music a bit anyway. I have a lot of mellow ballads. And classic southern rock.

This medicine is supposed to make me tired but it didn’t last time, and isn’t this time. My headache now has been reduced to what it feels like in the very beginning when I know I’m getting one. Im excited. Twenty minutes ago it really sucked. I try to keep my mind off of it

Maybe it was a bit of a breakdown?

I don’t want to be a ghost. A person that sort of exists, but sort of does. Mysterious and haunting. I don’t want to be that because it’s not real. It’s intriguing for a while, but then you realize one day that that ghost is actually human, and that human is actually just emotionally fucked. I don’t think that’s me at all, but I just want to make sure.

Okay! WAKE UP. I woke up again in the middle of the night for really no reason at all. Jesus…. help.

Time to shower, eat, put money in the bank, check my cell phone, get dressed, and go to the mall.. not in that order.

Okay here’s to a fresh new day

You aren’t amazing.

Okay. I’m going to get a haircut today. I’m going to give Macys money today. I’m working Warped Tour and Matt might work it with me. Everyone can get over everything. Just, whatever it is that you’re not over, who ever you are, get the fuck over it.

I
am
tired
of
thinking.

I wish I could say more in here but it’s like, writing in this journal makes me lose my voice. I just can’t. I have nothing to say anymore. How about Im disappointed and I’m exhausted by you. Oh, and skydiving is soon. Which is a goal I’ve wanted to reach since forever. Also, my mom leaves town that day for a week which will be nice. Come over and have a drink.

Speaking of drinks, I haven’t drank in a while. 21 is coming soon. School is coming soon. But not for over a month. I still have time to get tan

Ive had a headache now for ten hours, but it’s a lot better now. Other than that, today was definitely a good idea. Keri and I went to a Mets game and we won! 8-4. We were up the majority of the game, and I decided that for right now Lastings Milledge is my favorite player. And Green.

Rodney Carrington is entertaining and I want to go to one of his shows. He’s the one who sings the dear penis song.

Life is still beautiful. Keep the right things in perspective. And spend a day completely comfortable and happy.., alone; Recenter, feel true inner peace. Then think about everything that makes you lose that peace and you’ll realize what a big deal it isn’t. Or what you should do. But don’t think too much about it, because it’ll steal you peace again in a second.

Im exhausted by the way.

Joe.. I told you never to read this.

And I dont really regret it. I wanted to see if you went to xanga or not. You did. Im sorry

Sometimes I hate myself for not hating myself more

Me and Megan are going to try and put temporary dreadlocks in my hair today. I hope it works out. They’ll stay in until I wash my hair. So if I just dont wash my hair I have no problems, which is fine because you dont wash dreads anyway. But when I get tired of them, instead of having to cut them out or having years of commitment, I just add some water and voila! Normal hair.

So I realize of course I did hurt him, and Im trying to be sensitive to that because I remember when I’ve been hurt before. Its weird when one person is really hurt and the other is completely fine. Just proves even more how good of a decision this was because look, I obviously wasn’t in to it and he really really was. Unequal.

Everynight I feel really.. feverish. And my neck has been sore for days and days. And my eyes really hurt. I don’t really know what’s going on.