So I’ve been kind of down lately but I’m getting over it. I wrote this today:

Internal

If I explode, who will remain?
Among my useless thoughts and pain
Inside the rubble of insane.
Can anything remain the same?

Broken pencils and half dead dreams.
And half a heart torn at the seams.

If I explode, what will stay true?
Will your face stay among the few?
There’s nothing left for us to do,
Save wish for more days bright and new.

When you’ve forgotten how to feel,
Who is to say this pain is real?

If I explode and finally die,
Will this small Earth rejoice or cry?
Will I at last be free to fly,
Or will this lost soul still here lie?

It’s nothing other than just a way to show where I’ve been emotionally the past few days. I’ve been thinking a lot about film school lately but when I started looking into it, I got really freaked out. I just need to not be lazy and endure this contemporary school for a year until I can transfer to a school that has film and English. Sure, what a great plan Che! Idk… it better make me happy. If it doesn’t make me happy I won’t last. I WONT LAST.

GOD WHAT IS IT THAT I NEED TO MAKE THIS SCHOOL THING ACTUALLY SEEM LIKE A POSSIBILITY IN MY HEAD? Probably just a rearranged point of view.

I’m kind of hungry, very lazy and pretty lost. I also want to desperately go back down South. Me and Jon talk a lot now. I want to visit him.

And would you believe a Zales commercial just almost brought TEARS to my eyes. What am I becoming??

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