Push on

So we moved Brittany into Montclaire today. She’s going to have so much fun. I just pray she doesn’t screw it up like I did.

Tomorrow I’m going to Dad’s BBQ. Sammy and Mia will be there and hopefully Jaime can make it as well. I’ll see if Holly wants to come but I doubt she’ll be back until late. She spent the night with Britt.

I’m almost 20.. (two weeks away). Life isn’t what I had thought or hoped it would be by twenty.
Might as well just get married. Ha.. right. I couldn’t. Might as well just do well. I’m joining a gym with Mom. School starts on Thursday. I might get a EOF grant, not that I need any money for school anyway, but it would cover my books and give me some extra money to do whatever I want with. I do need new clothes. EOF grant has something to do with being a leader in your school. They dont have my Lee transcripts. It’s all based on.. what? Highschool? SATS? Who knows. But it’s a new start and I might as well take it seeing as this rut is getting old.

I have 1/3 of the money I want to save. If I keep being careful I can get the other 2/3’s in a heartbeat. Then I can get myself a car.

James Blunt, “Goodbye my Lover” now has meaning for Brittany too. Not just me. And it’s beautifully tragic to the both of us. Hearing it through her ears last night made me cry, just like she cried in the bathroom of Jon’s apartment the night she finally really saw/felt/grasped my own personal anguish. And because of this, kindred spirits never leave one another. It is times like these that you realize you had, for a moment, blended with one another and together formed one broken, beating, living heart.

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3 responses to “Push on

  1. Sometimes we need people to remind of us our attributes, so I’m going to remind you of one of yours. You are a really strong individual. I have read through your ups and downs, but somehow you always manage to lift yourself up after falling and even take something positive away from the experience. No doubt God is right there with you; either way, at least that is something you can always feel good about.

    • Thanks I really do appreciate that. I know that for the past 6 months or so this journal has been especially sad, and it may seem like I’m always down.. but thats really not the case. I just happen to always find the need to write the negatives in here. It kind of helps me to move past them.

      • I understand. Sometimes my journal is that way as well. Particularly when it comes to politics and infertility. I, too, find myself needing to write all of the bad down, so that I can move on and be happy.

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