Genius never came from ignorance

I’ve recently began questioning my political stance. I am registed as a republican. When I registed red I was, in my head, proclaiming myself as a God loving, God fearing American. A true and just citizen. Someone agreeing that Gods will and Government need to co-exist together, hand in hand. I was bright eyed and naive.

Now as I’m more aware of the corruption in politics, and the politics of politics, I’m not so sure about waving my big, red R all over the place. Nor am I prepared to don a D… or even the hippy I of independant. But the more I research, the more I question, and the less I trust. The more I know, the more I wish I could start my own political group. Or, at the very least, make a difference.


You said only with love. Now you know why.

People can be such assholes.

I found the camera my ex-step dad had given me. It’s a Canon. Finally a non-digital camera to play with. I’m going to get some black and white film and just see what I can do with it. Tomorrow Shari’s coming here so I’ll use it then.

What is life but the angle of vision? A man is measured by the angle at which he looks at objects

To live is to die, and pessimists are simply optimists with experience. To know truth is to realize you know nothing at all and to believe that life is a journey; not a destination. Such realizations are anchors in this storm. Simple life vests in the ever-changing waters. For a calm tide can be nothing other than the eye of the storm. “I WISH TO PREACH, NOT THE DOCTRINE OF IGNOBLE EASE, BUT THE DOCTRINE OF THE STRENUOUS LIFE!” I do not come to condemn. I lay forth the doctrine in which I live.

So why does one desire what they no longer have? How is it possible to crave something you’ve never even tasted? Is it not because of our watchful eyes behind glasses of envy? Soggy hearts pleading for what cut them to begin with. And alas, so is the journey to happiness. It is never ending. Grasp this and you grasp life. Genuinely painful, brutally refreshing, ever changing life. Eventually you realize that today is what you’ve been waiting for. “Next year” is now- Tomorrow has arrived. Is it no different than yesterday? Then who’s to blame for that? Hiding behind the shield of what’s to come is the coward’s way out. “Cowardice… is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination.”
Eyes such as these are unable to see what’s in front of them, they blur what’s behind them and can only envision times that have not yet occurred; they picture realities that may never be. A world that doesn’t exist. How is such madness, such an inability to accept reality- how is such an utter lack of self control not deemed as hazardous? How is it not viewed as a self-inflicted paralysis? A disease of the worst kind.

Not all live in today. They don’t live in tomorrow or even the past. They live in ‘what’s to come’. Well what’s to come has already come. It lies in front of you, rhythmically beating and blending into what you call life. The future holds what you make it hold. This future that is today may be shit, but that’s the biggest forewarning that tomorrow will be the same. And tomorrow’s tomorrow. So on. So forth. This life we lead may flow with or without your input, but it is you to decide which way the current takes you. Those who simply let it ride are the ones taken to deeper waters. Water they will struggle in. Waters they will decide to see as ones that will…in time.. settle. But I’ve yet to see a drowning man saved by the words, “this too will pass.” Pass it may, but it will pull you with it for as long as you allow it to.

So here is my plea. Realize that today’s happiness is the only happiness you’ll ever feel and that if you are unable to feel the warmth it releases now, how is it you plan to ever feel it at all? To say you’re waiting for all the pieces of the puzzle to fit is to announce your plans on eternal misery. The pieces will never all fit. Life will never be sensical. Something new is always bound to show up and threaten your peace. “That mind that is cheerful at present will have no solicitude for the future, and will meet the bitter occurrences of life with a smile.”

So once again I proclaim, “Be your own hero!” Stop waiting for your savior because in the end, who wants to live waiting for such myths? Is it not a precious gift to know how to save you?

So I part with these words.
“Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once.”

Remember that obedience is never remembered in history and that none but ourselves can free our minds. All signs point to you. Finally you see it is you in the limelight. It always has been. For ages you’ve stood motionless before the thirsty audience that is yourself. Take up your sword and fight. Give them a reason to watch. And if for nothing else, give yourself a reason to live in today instead of through it.

“The fool, with all his other faults, has this also; he is always getting ready to live.”

This summer has been better than I could have thought. I’ve made some new friendships with people I’ve known for years which is so great. My job is good, I get paid well and I’m starting to embrace responsibility as opposed to my past experiences of running from it. I haven’t had any summer love, but I’ve had a few summer flings which is ideal for where I am right now because they’re all the fun and none of the bullshit. I’ve been losing weight and feeling really good about myself, getting along with my mom and preparing for my next year at school- a year that’s going to shine. Also I think I know what I want to major in, or at least I’m closer to it than ever before. In the end, I know more of who I am and I’m better at keeping my damn friendships. I used to be so bad at keeping in touch.

I don’t know. Everything is good. And finally I’m not thinking in the back of my head, “Well.. things are okay but they could be better.”

Wherever he may be.

I know when I find him and everything matches up, life won’t ever be the same again. So really I should just adore this time in my life because when again will I ever be living for only myself? Never.

But who the hell enjoys living for themselves? I certainly don’t.

Just came back from South Carolina last night. Refreshing.

I could return to him if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.