Frustration is filling me to the very verge of insanity today. I don’t want to go to Brookdale I want to go to Lee. Back to Lee. Why in the HELL when my dad told me I could return did I say no? I wanted to do the responsible right thing. I wanted to be ‘finacially wise’… fuck that. I want to go back home! Tennessee is more home to me than this hole ever was. NJ is just not where I want to be. I don’t like it here. I have my family yes thats the only decent thing about this shitty state. I am now though stuck here for another 7 months when I could be going back in only 2!!! TWO. My life would be so dramatically different if I was going back in two months. Oh I really can’t get the yearning out of my system. But now I have the opportunity to really save for an apartment so that in January when I DO RETURN TO TENNESSEE I can have a place of my own. I’m trying to figure out how I’ll get furniture when I’m there and how I’ll get all my stuff from NJ to TN but I think I’m going to fly down there in Dec. when the semester ends and find a place then. Then fly home and finish out the month working. Then I’ll go back with everything I own already, plus an air mattress and a kitchen set, all packed into my tiny car. Then I’ll go to the cheapo stores and get 15 dollar couches and love seats and all that jazz. Eventually I’ll somehow get my bed down there but the thing is, it’s not impossible. Maybe I’ll rent a UHAUL though I don’t see how I’d be getting it back. In the end, I really will probably need my sister or someone to follow me down with more stuff in their car.
But that’s all seven months and a daydream away.
I’ll survive. Hell I always do.