So let’s be honest. I’m angry. I’m angry that Jon let himself get so consumed. I’m angry he changed. I feel like it’s his fault we ended up not being able to be together, and I’m just so mad with him for it. We could have been so great. Really. But being closed up, and secretive and always keeping me an arms length away led to this. And I hated a lot of the people we would hang out with, and he later said the same thing. Then WHY did we stay hanging ot with them. Oh its so much. If only we had talked, been able to talk about anything and everything. But alas, I refuse to go into the ‘if only’ or ‘what if’ state of mind. It’s good to address the actual feelings I have, and it’s anger. Frustration.
Moving on, I continue to learn how to steer myself on my own, taking others words into consideration but letting me make my own final decisions.
This vacation has been pretty ridiculous. Fun times.. and then some not so fun times (to look back on). Work is tiring as all hell. Today and tomorrow are by far the most stressful of the break.. well today tomorrow and probably new years eve. Picture a million people with carts that have a million things in them, only 4 cashiers and me running through out the store trying to make sure things don’t get all effed up. I know, I’m complaining. Shaddap.
My sleep schedule, you know the whole not going to bed until 6 and then sleeping until 4, that whole upside down way of living is finally balancing out a little bit. When I go back to school I hopefully won’t become a complete insomniac again.
Christmas eve and Christmas. Im sorta looking forward to it, pretty much not. I don’t know. I am. I’m just.. blah I suppose. I WANT TO CALL MARK JAMES but I cant bc I left his number at school =( and he’s in PA. this month sometime, or was, and I missed him bc I couldnt call him. Havent seen him in 3 years. Sucks.
Im expecting a great semester. It may be my last at Lee. But regardless, I think it’ll be great because of many different reasons.
Life is life, nothing is certain, just gotta kinda go with the flow. And I’m really actually doing just fine =)
OH and me and Justin BEAT EVERYONE and were the first to christen the elevator at work. Ha bitches. And I accidentally got pushed onto the key pad and it dialed to the help line; the line people use to call for help when theyre stuck in the elevator. Hahaha.