In the thick of it

Well, we are full on in it right now.

1. Breast reduction: I’m less than two weeks away from reduction surgery, and will be taking 3 weeks off from work to recover. I’ve been planning my leave coverage and working to get my short-term disability approved. It’s a little stressful, and I have a lot more to do. I need to pay $4000 before the surgery, I need to buy a few things to wear while recovering, and I need to meal plan some easy soups and things I can warm up without the need to reach into cabinets or lift anything heavy. This pending surgery is also scary, but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had the time to think about it too heavily, which is good. I’ll probably be panicked the night before, but I am beyond excited for the “after”. It’s going to be life changing and this is a true blessing. Leading up, I’m not drinking alcohol and trying to eat well, so I’m also feeling healthier and looking trimmer, which will make the effects of the surgery look even better. Meanwhile, I’ve scheduled my hair to get done before hand, scheduled the house to be cleaned and am overall just trying to get my ducks in order.
2. MBA math prep: During all of this, I have also been immersed in MBA math classes. I am taking 3 courses that I need to finish before I can actually register for this semester’s classes. I need to be finished, ideally, by April 15. This will give me a week to register and figure out financial aid. Over the last 3-4 weeks, I have been studying most days for hours. So far, I passed my Statistics and Accounting courses. The tests are really hard. I actually had to take the Accounting final twice =/ but I passed. Now I just need to complete the Finance course this week and I’ll be home free. It’s been so hard to study every day, take notes and prepare for these tests with such a rapidly approaching deadline. I can’t wait to finish this last course. When I’m in the actual program, I can’t imagine it’ll be this difficult. I won’t be trying to learn an entire subject matter in one week, beginning on Monday and passing a final by Sunday. But I’m making my way through and I’m getting there.
3. Life: It’s hard to have a full school workload, work full time, schedule and prepare for a surgery, and juggle domesticity. I look forward to the three weeks off because I can get some things done, like sending out my wedding thank-yous (My lord I am so embarassed they are still here), finishing my registration for school, and whatever else I need to do. Life is really busy right now, but I’m holding it together. One reason I decided to go back to school is because I learned during wedding planning that I do well with a packed schedule and pressure. I have a lot of time, I realized, to devote to something outside of normal life, and why not put it toward my future? So even though I feel overwhelmed at times, and right now is particularly busy, I can handle it. It’s nice learning about yourself. I’m sure when we have kids I’ll be even more overwhelmed and busy, especially with school and work, so this is like practice?
4. Niece: Speaking of kids, Brittany had baby Kennedy two weeks ago. I had the absolute pleasure of spending four days there last week. I fell in love with Kennedy, and so admire Brittany’s strength and dedication to breastfeeding. However, it’s HARD to have a newborn. It turned me off from kids for a second, but once I got to spend time with the baby, I realized it really is worth it. Due to my surgery, I probably won’t be able to breastfeed solely, so it’ll be a tad bit easier for me. But even with that, it’s still exhausting and life changing. I know we’ll have kids, and probably sooner than later, but right now I am so enjoying not having a baby.
5. Job: I have an interview today for a full-time work at home job. I don’t know that I’ll get it – I haven’t yet after having several similar interviews, but you never know. I think I am nervous though because I want a remote job so badly. It would allow me more time for school, time for myself, and provide the ability to visit Mark when he’s on the road and work from his hotel. Also when we do have kids, I would have more of the flexibility I need. Changing work schedules is really something I want to do, especially for our future, so I just have to have faith that the right thing will come along. I just hate interviewing – I used to be so good at it, but these days I feel so rusty. I hate preparing for them. But I will spend some time today preparing, and do my best. If I can pass these tests, work full time, prepare for surgery and keep my house from falling apart, I can prepare for a 30 minute phone call.

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New Year New You New Boobs New School

Well holy fuck.

All of the things are happening!

 

1. I started my MBA pre-requisite classes and while I dragged my feet at first, I created a little schedule of what to accomplish when, and Im truding through. I need to finish these 3 courses and their exams by April 15. Then I can register. And even though I haven’t taken a math course in well over a decade, it makes some sense (so far) and I’m not crying at my desk, so I feel good!
2. But most importantly, I’m getting my boobs reduced. Insurance approved my request. I can not believe it. I didn’t even try hard, I just submitted a referral from a GP and a PS, no supporting documentation, and 7 weeks later they approved it. I guess the pictures really sealed the deal and yeah this confirms I am not crazy. I am disproportionate.

This is life changing. I can shop differently now. I can wear things like jean jackets. I won’t look like a box. I won’t look like Dolly Parton. I can buy bathing suits that aren’t made for obese women. I can ditch underwire. I can fucking run again, and not watch my boobs imitate Baywatch. I won’t have terrible back pain after standing for an hour. I will have more confidence. I won’t feel like I look huge because all I see in the mirror is a huge chest.

So, MBA and reduction all starting at the same time. Next? Well – Mark and I have started talking about starting a family, but we’ll tackle that after surgery.

And then all I need is the house and the dog.

Quiet Friday

Yesterday was first married Valentines day. Mark got me a huge bouquet, but he’s away, so I went to dinner with Annie and Dasha. It was a lot of fun – and I think Dasha needed a good girl’s night. She’s one of the most gorgeous and genuinely nice people I know, or have ever known. She won’t have many single V-days.

Today I woke up at 8 and got to work by 10. It’s 4:20 now and I cannot wait to go home. I was supposed to do dinner with John and Marz but cancelled. Tonight I just need to sleep. Watch a movie maybe. Possibly scavenge a bit in Fallout 76. Who knows. But a quiet Friday night is in order.

 

Fight: Sandwiches

Tuesday, February 12, 2019. We’re both working from home. Me, actually working, snow storm up North. You, one call, then video games and TV.

I make lunch at noon.

C: “Do you want a sandwich”

M: “Yeah, I’d love a sandwich”

I pull out the salami and ham I got from Wegmans the night before, with provolone, romaine, and mustard (mayo for me). You see it – it’s not the regular Wegmans brand cold cuts you’re used to. It’s pre-packaged organic cold cuts, because the deli line was too long when I went.

“Oh, I don’t want that. Never mind. That’s slimy to me. I don’t like that.” You are annoyed and judging.

“Ok,” I am annoyed. “You can have soup, or tuna fish or whatever you want for lunch.”

You hover, obviously not interested in tuna or soup. You want a sandwich. I ask if you want to try the salami and ham — you do. “Okay, it’s not bad” you say. “Sorry for being a dick.”

Then you look at the bread. I put mustard on both pieces of your bread. “You just make sandwiches way different than I do” you say, annoyed again.

“Fine, make your own sandwich then.” I say, so annoyed at you.

“FINE, I will make my own sandwich!” You’re really mad right now.

I finish making my sandwich, sit down, and continue working. I don’t eat because I think it’s rude to eat before you’re done making your goddamn sandwich.

You make your sandwich, sit down in the living room. I suck up my pride a little and move to the living room to sit next to you. We watch Crashing. I’m mad. I am not going to be over this unless you apologize. You can’t yell and freak over sandwiches.

Crashing ends. I go to the bathroom. You do the dishes. I sit down in the kitchen to continue working and yell out “Thanks for doing the dishes.”

You get up, walk into the kitchen, and hug me while I sit. You apologize.

“I’m sorry I freaked out. I wanted a nice sandwich on a nice snow day, not a bad sandwich, and I had an anxiety attack. But it was a very good sandwich, and I learned I can put mustard directly on the bread, so thank you for teaching me that. And I’m really happy you’re home with me.”

You were being playful and kind of cute in your apology, but I appreciated it and forgave you.

Then the fight was over.

New Category: The Fight

Okay so I want to start capturing our arguments in here. They’re usually stupid, and I think I’ll love looking back to read about how dumb you can be sometimes. Also, there will be more serious ones too, and I want to have a repository of my life like I used to.

So let’s bring it back.

2019 so far

The Debt

I paid of my entire credit card debt in December, so I could go into 2019 debt free. I’m working on rebuilding my savings now. My credit score shot up 40 points within days. I was scared to pay that much out of my savings, but feel proud that I had that much to even consider it. No more hundreds of dollars in interest each month. Thank God.

Grad school

Two of the things I learned from planning our wedding in 8 months are: 1) I can handle a lot at once, and 2) I have a lot more free time than I realized.

I liked the feeling of always being busy, and working on the wedding after work each night and on weekends. It took a lot of coordination, but we got it done. When I was planning I realized I wanted to go to grad school after the wedding. I realized if I can do all of this in my “spare” time, then I needed to keep the momentum going and find something else to focus on.

I’m in the process of applying to Montclair for my MBA. I would be so proud of myself if I became an MBA. The girl who had a 1.2 GPA after her first semester of college, who took an eternity to get out of Brookdale. College came hard to me at first, but by Rutgers I had it figured out and I did well. Eight years and a career later, I want to go back.

My only concern is Montclair vs. Rutgers. Rutgers has the reputation I want, but Montclair is 30K cheaper. I’ve been told that Rutgers would be better if I were trying to change careers, but if I want an MBA to support the career I’ve already started, Montclair is fine.

I’ll apply to both. Though I’ll probably go to Montclair because I don’t want to take out $73,000 in debt.

The house

I really want to buy a house. So bad. We’ve outgrown the Manalapan house. I have so many beautiful things from the wedding I want to unpack (hello new plates and really sharp knives). But again, I just paid off my debt. I need to restock that account. And Mark’s traveling a lot right now. So we need to patiently save money until the Spring or so. I can’t control this right now. I can just save, and wait. In the meantime, my credit is strong, and I’m trying to better myself, and Brittany’s baking my niece.

2019 goals

2019 is looking great. I feel optimistic and happy. There’s nothing I need to do: “Quit smoking! (Previously done, thank god) Lose weight! (Weight is fine) Blah blah” The only goals are to stay credit card free, start my MBA, become an aunt, and remain patient until we can buy a home. Most of that takes very little effort on my part.

Oh and maybe get breast reduction surgery. I’m in the process of waiting to hear from my insurance. We’ll figure that out later.

 

I remember sitting in my apartment in Spring Lake, or maybe my bedroom in Belmar, emailing local businesses asking for a chance to work for them. Hi, you’re an engineering firm, I would like to work as a marketer for you. I want to learn and hone my skill, and I spotted these 4 things on your website that I can fix for your. Please hire me. Anyone.

No one ever wrote back. But I did it out of desperation I’m sure, and out of naivety, youthfulness, and because I had gusto. It’s good to look back and remember how far I’ve come.

We’ve been married for 2 months this Thursday. We haven’t looked at our wedding photos. I’ve yet to change my name. We’ve been enjoying not wedding planning.

But now it’s time to remove the haze of our laze, and get back to it. Back to the regularity of the gym, back to meal planning, back to organizing and preparing for next things. Not relationship wise on that last point, we’re not ready to jump into house shopping just yet.

Where I am now is:

• I am finally actively job hunting. Looking for a predominantly work-from-home job in marketing at my firm. They exist, I applied, fingers crossed.
• After changing my name, applying finally to grad school. MBA in Business Analytics. This is good, a must, a something I look forward to.

Here’s why for both:

• Working remotely: 1) I’m tired of driving 3hrs a day, 2) I am tired of this role and this office and the rules that say I need to sit at a desk 4 days a week to work on the internet 3) I want the freedom to travel with Mark during his busy season, and 4) I’m going to be an Aunt. And I want the flexibility to work from Brittany’s house during the week in PA when Eric’s at work to help her out during maternity leave. She’s all alone out there, and there’s no reason I can’t work from PA, or anywhere else.
• Grad school: I’ve been interested in this program at  Montclair for a few years and I think it’s time to go back. Reading and interpreting analytics is a very valuable skill, and having my MBA in it will make me a stronger candidate than I am now. I would be pretty competitive, and that’s something I need to reach my future goals of making a certain amount of $$. Also, I would be proud of myself! College was tough for me until Rutgers. I would feel great if I worked for my MBA. And I don’t need the GRE at Montclair. And if I start soon, I will hopefully almost be done by the time we have a baby one day.

Otherwise, we have been kind of lazy since the wedding. But reasonably so. I’ve held 2 showers, been in another wedding, and travelled to 2 bach parties this summer, not including my own wedding, shower and my own two bach parties we threw. Plus our week in Cape Cod.

I’ve been running around so much that I got crazy sick last week. Terrible fever, chills, cough. My boss even told me she recognized I was running ragged. But the majority of the wedding things are over now. We have 2 in November, we’re in both. One in California. But that gives us about 2 months to get ourselves in order until then.

On Monday I’ll be 32. That seems old. But I’m happy with where my life is, so at least we have that. Can’t help getting older. Can help the quality of that life.