Category Archives: reminder

Posted by whoische on

proof number 349234598340584842 that God exists: After my post yesterday I went downstairs and Mick had fixed the drive issues completely. I then worked on final cut and after a few emails back and forth with my professor and some tinkering I got it all working. So Sunday shouldn’t be hell. Thank you God. And on top of that I AM learning final cut, which is awesome.

So I had a dream last night> I was in this office and all the guys were interested in me and there was this one guy who I knew was going to ask for my number. So just as I was leaving he got some paper out and I went to give him my number but instead he gave me his. So I got his number and just then one of the guys went to walk me out. He wasn’t the most attractive guy there (the guy who gave me his number was the attractive one). However it was like a magnetic force was pulling us together. He was so confident, didnt care that I just got some guys number. It was as if he knew he was supposed to be with me and I him. The connection between us was so strong that as we were walking (remember we had just met) our hands kept coming together. He said, “wow.” He walked me outside and was walking me to my car, I told him it was pretty far away, but he kept walking with me. It was instant chemistry. We stopped at his house (which was on the way to my car apparently) and hung out. It was as if we had always known one another. That guy who gave me his number was less than a distant memory- he didn’t even exist.

I feel like that’s how it’s going to actually be. Just instant comfort, instant chemistry, magnetism, and every one else will be forgotten. They wont matter anymore.

It put things into perspective a bit. Anyway, I just wanted to remember that dream.

 

Happy Halloween

Today I Am Depressed

Posted by whoische on

It all started in my Digital Media class, we have to make a presentation on Keynote instead of powerpoint. I don’t use Apple. I don’t know how to use a Mac. And regardless of how “user-friendly” it is, I don’t get it. And I became overwhelmed. Exasperated. Exhausted. Enraged.

So, I finally leave there and I got grumpier with each step I took. I know now what I want to do. I am moving west the day I graduate. Maybe not the day.. but see…

I always envisioned the road trip as the be all and end all. It was my goal. And now it’s done. And so I have been wondering what I would want to do next, but since that spark.. that burning neeeeed to leave had been fulfilled, it wasn’t really that high on my list of concerns. Until suddenly, the spark has been reignited. I’ve been home for barely over a month and already that damn spark is back. Oh passion. Anyway after thinking about it I decided something. My mom was saying that since I don’t need to start paying back my loans until 6 month after I graduate, I should use that time to travel. I was fully expecting myself to do Teach for America for a year. But I don’t think I want to anymore. I decided that since Brittany is going to be in school for 2 years more after I graduate (including her masters.. damn girl making me look bad) I can’t just wait around for her. Yes we have plans to move outta here together, but I don’t want to just get a job in the city with Adam while I wait for her. Because 2 years of that will change me, and I’ll see my benefits and my security and my promotions and I’ll be locked in. I’ll miss out on my dreams. I don’t want that. Not yet. So, I am going to move by myself. Just me. To a city where I don’t know anyone. And I’m just going to live there. I’ll have a little porch maybe and grass and I’ll sit outside with a sweatshirt and a drink, my music playing, and I’ll breathe in the crisp mountainous air and I’ll be content.

You see, the writer in me has more than emerged. It is taking over. I can’t stop daydreaming. I can’t stop doodling. My notebooks look like that of a child with ADD. I can’t stop writing little poems or ridiculous nothings. Nothing substantial.. the creativity is just oozing though. And being away and somewhere new will enhance that. I’m not fighting it anymore. I might even be going crazy. But that’s a good thing. The best writing comes out of my craziness.

And so, where will I move? I’m not sure yet. I liked Denver. I liked Portland too. I could move to a surrounding area by one of those two cities. But you know, the Portland thing probably won’t happen. But it’s a year or a year and a half away, so I’m sure that if anyone I know is moving to Portland they’ll do it by then. Otherwise.. I’m going where I want to go.

And soon.. I am just going to go.

And I’ve also realized why we perpetuated our mistakes for so long. We needed reminders as to why it was doomed. We’re very forgetful.

I am even forgetful at times still.

Regardless, I want to be by the Pacific, but I want it to be overcast and gray and beautiful, and springy/fallish. I want to see the huge waves crash on dark rocks with heavy fog as its backdrop. And that my friends is the pacific northwest.

But maybe I”ll settle for the Rockies in the distance.

I don’t know yet.

I feel better.

I am totally cool with:

Posted by whoische on

1) getting to this page through other pages because I’m too lazy to type wordpress.com into my address bar
2) friday nights being spent at Chilis, because I have great ppl working friday nights, and I still get to have a drink
3) me and nic gossiping together, and everyone accusing us of being luvahs because we spend a lot of time whispering
4) employees smacking my ass
5) my bosses touching my sides
6) letting all my emotional wounds go public. Letting people know how I really feel is like dropping my burdens off to the salvation army. It’s wonderful
7) being a dick sometimes
8) crushing on past crushes
9) getting cut when I have an empty section
10) sleeping alone
11) my dreams taking on a life of their own. Whatrya gunna do?
12) comedy central
13) Josh testing out my trust with secrets ranging from 1-10 on the severeness level. I’m at level 4(?) and I don’t want to get to 5!
14) not saying shit about phil and jackie
15) knowing so many secrets!
16) my scumbag boss hooking up with 17 year old girls, because hes better than previous managers (srsly)
17) people telling me how skinny I am lately
18) my highschool girlfriends calling me lately

What are your thoughts on the war of 1812 and how does that play a role in today’s global economic status and the direction of Afghanistan’s political query?

Posted by whoische on

So last night I had dinner with Shannon. It was really good seeing him, and once we got all the necessary talk out of the way, some bitching, and all the catching up done, we had an amazing time. Now, all the catching up and necessary talk that we’d only had on the phone or online was a lot of fun too. I love being able to articulate everything I’ve meant to say, and I like having the chance to tell my side of the story, and I like understanding different things. Hearing about his dad leaving Jen and all the shit that has gone down in the last year for him made me appreciate my life. And hearing about some of the things in his life showed me how he has changed, and showed me where he had stayed the same. I also ran into Rachel, which was nice because I haven’t seen her in a while. I ran into Ian’s brother Josh too. He was telling me about how he’s single and then an hour later introduced me to his girlfriend. I didn’t take it seriously but the look on both of their faces showed me that I had caught Josh in a ‘not lie’. As in, he told me the truth- in his mind he’s single. She just doesn’t know that. I recovered it quickly and didn’t blow up his spot too badly.

Then Shannon and I sang karaoke together, which was so funny. He bought me dinner. He was good company. I think we’re going to make this a more constant thing.

I saw Joe the other night, and hung out with Shannon last night and neither of those things gave me any satisfaction. It was like seeing anyone. It showed me just how far passed all that I am. That’s a good thing. It means that the only direction I have to look in is forward, which is what I have been doing. I suppose it solidified everything once again, not that I needed solidification, but it was a reminder that everything is perfect as it is. And everything really is pretty perfect.

Tomorrow I’m going to my dad’s and boxing with Danica.

The Recap I Always Do

Posted by whoische on

Alright, how should I write this.

The year started off beautifully. New York, in love, champagne, surrounded by my boyfriend’s friends, all of whom I liked. At that time, it was the perfect beginning of my year.

The year will end surrounded by my friends, mixed drinks, karaoke, food, and all the New Year’s kisses I can reach for. At this time, that is perfect.

Everything that has happened in between is a blur of sorts. My biggest accomplishment was school, seeing as I finally finished Brookdale and was accepted into Rutgers. This was a goal of mine (to finish and find a new school). At times, it really stressed me out. I remember crying in the library, so unsure of where I even wanted to go. But I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I wanted to also be with Joe, so I was considering places in other states when in actuality, Jersey is best for me right now. I did, also, realize that when in a new place you appreciate things about it that the locals take for granted. So put those rose colored glasses on when you’re here, at home. You’ll find a lot of beauty.
I didn’t do everything I had hoped to do this year. I didn’t pay off my credit card, but I’m so close it’s going to be done before I know it. I didn’t quit smoking either. And I never visited Shari. But a few things didn’t happen that I’m fortunate for. My mom didn’t move. I didn’t have to get my own place. I did, however, learn more Spanish. If 2007 was the year of business, and 2008 was the year of intellect (that’s how I worded it last year, and I’m always right) then what can I brand 2009?
2008 held change for me yes, but it was more a preparatory year. I had to finish up with the loose ends of Brookdale. In that time, I was indecisive and at times crazy but overall, I did what I had to do. So I was in love, and then I wasn’t. I had my friends, and then some of them weren’t my friends so much anymore. I think 2008 was a year that held a lot of intrinsic value. I became more confident and did what I wanted, because I stopped caring about the opinions of others. Sometimes this worked against me, but I don’t mind. I also allowed myself to live off of emotions for a bit, which is always beautiful, though also always retarded. By the end of 2008 I was very thankful to God. He has done a lot for me, and recently has been reaching out to me. I learned more about God this year than I have in a long time.
So, 2009.. where would I like to see you? 2009 just may be the year of adventure. Oh, that’s exciting.
Adventures include: New school, internships!, England, possible road trip with Sharkey..
I think just the fact that my future is coming into focus makes me excited. I really am anxious to get my hands on this English major. I am really glad that I’m following my gut doing what makes the most sense. So my goals for 2009.. I’d like to stop procrastinating and gossiping, I’d like to pay my credit card, go the gym, and I’d like to be content with myself. Physically and internally. Also, I struggle with my writing identity, so I’d like to find it. And lastly, I’d like to earn really good grades because this is my last chance at a super fly GPA, and I’d like to intern.

Why are these things an adventure? Because it’s new, uncharted territory for me.. it’s exciting terrain I’ve yet to explore.

Good bye 2008. I feel like 2009 is going to take me out of my comfort zone, and I think I’m going to be kind of an adult by the end of it (kind of). We’ll see. Here’s to the unknown, by far one of my favorite aspects of life.

1)I saw Demetri Martin’s indifferent graffiti, “Toy Story 2 was okay!”, in a New York bathroom,
2) I got a B+ in my winter class.
3) I went to Florida.
4) I convinced far too many people that I was engaged.
5) He surprised me in the mall
6) I had a valentine
7) I spent Valentines day in Philly
8) Lost
9) Joes emotion fueled drive to Jersey
10) Mark got knocked up and I promised to never call him again
11) I bought rollerblades
12) Joe graduated and is finally moving back
13) I played in a poker tournament and wasn’t first out
14) Snoop Dogg watched me dance
15) I talked to the lead singer of Bouncing Souls and he looks a lot older than I expected
16) I got a guitar pick from mxpx.. and gave it to Joe
17) I got all A’s and B’s in the six classes I took in the Spring
18) Mamma got her degree
19) Britt moved back home for good!
20) I saw the spill canvas again
21) I saw Jaime
22) Me and Joe broke up
23) My friends came through
24) rock climbing
25) I started bartending
26) beautiful sunday
27) Went to one of dad’s softball games
28) Saw Barbie and Ken
29) I finally found a new church and started going regularly
30) Having insurance on my electronics paid off twice
31) I saw rainbows. Even a double rainbow. I never see rainbows.
32) I saw the best fireworks in my life, and I always hate fireworks.
33) I met Gavin Schmidt
34) I was able to see Brie and Andrew again
35) I raised my GPA by a higher percent than initially goaled for
36) I saved money!
37) Joe and I tried again, but it didn’t work
38) I bought NutriSystem and lost weight
39) I saw Against Me!
40) I started boxing and kick boxing
41) I made my first Craigslist purchase
42) I got into Rowan
43) I got into Rutgers!!
44) Got in touch with Chris Lezcano
45) Reacquainted with my cousin Andrew
46) Reacquainted with Aubrey and Chelsea.
47) Saw the tree in NYC. I don’t know if I have ever done that.. maybe once.
48) Lost the $100 bet to Josh
49) Hung out with old high-school friends on their 21st’s
50) Had an amazing Christmas
51) Did a secret santa, actually gave a gift this year
52) Bought a gift for my last year’s secret santa, to make up for not getting one for her last year
53) Saw Robert Randolph and the Family Band
54) Became much closer with Kari
55) Had a last festivus at Josh’s, which we all needed
56) and I never mentioned my date with Jesus haha

Unburied

Posted by whoische on

So the semester is over. Has been. I have a 3.3 right now, still waiting on two grades to come back. I just set up my Rutgers ID and all that but the e-mail isn’t working. Registered for my orientation. Looked up technical writing classes. There’s a lot of literary history classes I’m supposed to take.. but we’ll see how that goes with the major I’m pursuing. English Comp or whatever variation they have there.
Finished Christmas shopping today. Spent a lot of money this year, but I feel really good. Today I did some last minute, unplanned shopping, but it was the right thing to do. Just needed to get a few more things for some people, and some gifts for others that I wasn’t planning on getting anything for initially.

The boss Lauren I’ve been complaining about lately is transferring out of our store.

I work New Years Eve. Sucks. I close, but I should be GONE by 11 and on my way to Nic’s.

This year is wrapping up quickly. Did I do everything I wanted to do? Yes, I believe I did.

Also, the other day my mom came into my room and said, “Can you un-bury yourself?”
She was referring to the piles of clothes on my chair and ottoman. But I like the way that she worded it. I’d say I’m pretty unburied right about now in my life. That’s a good thing.

Let’s all stay light and on top of things.

Another Day

Posted by whoische on

Why is it that Milk is only playing in Red Bank?
Why is it I couldn’t fall asleep last night?
Why is it 99.1 makes me so happy?
Why is it I haven’t quit smoking?
But most importantly, why is Milk only playing in Red Bank!

Doubt, I’m looking forward to seeing that.

I am pretty broke. I owe Macy’s hardly anything! Christmas.. I need to go shopping. And lastly, I don’t have a lot of time to study for Monday’s finals, yet here I am wasting time anyway.

No, this really never is a waste of time.

Ingrid Michaelson and Dr. Dog. Buy their albums.