I’m about to flip ma shit and I think I’m going to reinvent myself into a pretty, crazy woman

Happy Merry Christmas Eve. Mine will be spent working and then going to the Jester w/ everyone for TimKat’s homecoming. After 1 or 2 beverages I will retire to my wonderfully comfortable bedroom where I will wrap presents with Brittany. Afterward I will go to sleep, possibly with the assistance of a benadryl, depending. It’s a good thing that Tomorrow will be spent getting presents and giving presents, eating with my family, loving everyone. Because maybe it will reset my inner C switch before I go absolutely buck wild on someone.

I have reached full capacity in my emotional suppressant cavity and it’s built up to my throat at this point. I can only choke it down for so long. I want to suppress it more more more until it goes away or I get over it.

BUT ALSO IM MAD YOU NEVER TOOK INTO CONSIDERATION MY FEELINGS ENOUGH TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT. youre not dumb, you say youre smart. you say you can really really read people. then you should have been able to read me and you should have known we needed to talk.

anyway… that is the C switch going off. I need to reset it.

=( I guess I could have brought it up but I was skerd. But still.. youre the man. you do it FIRST. you guys always do everything FIRST, and thennnnnnnnn we take over. duh.

ahem

uh huh.

I am.

Smile your lovely smile, and tell me of tomorrows for awhile. Hold my hand and tell me, tell me, tell me

On Depression

So I was reading the personal blog of one of my favorite gossip site’s main editor and she said-
“Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche had a great line: ‘It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad night.’”

This just makes a lot of sense to me. I’m not suicidal or depressed- just low grade crazy.. so low grade I hardly even know it’s there… but this reminds me of times when I was depressed and was crazy. No I’d never consider suicide and I never have.. but knowing Nietzsche said this brings me comfort.

I think it just connects human emotion from the past to the present, from all walks of life. It connects me to Nietzsche. It connects my vulnerability to the world’s.

It makes me feel like everything has been felt before. It makes me feel like I’m never alone.

I’m also grateful that I’m not depressed. Because dark thoughts rise from depression, and this quote reminds me of darker days that I’ve avoided for a few years now.

I also feel grateful to God.